Tired of this life, this shit, the same struggle, the same fight over and over, same feelings, always worthless, always pathetic, never good enough! It’s exhausting. So why can’t I cut? I can’t be that painful. A few quick slices and its done, oblivion, and yet I can’t do it, I can’t even scratch myself. Plenty of you self harm yet I can’t even nick myself with the scalpel. Just. One. Little. Cut. It can’t. Be that difficult, can’t hurt that much, can’t possibly hurt as much as this shitty life does. So why can’t I do it??? I just don’t want to do this any more. Never good enough. Never wanted enough. Always alone. It’s cruel. It’s human cruelty. There should be some way out, some easy exit, why wasn’t that ever invented?
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that ‘easy exit’ your talking about was invented….suicide. but it ISNT easy!! on ANYONE! it will kill more than just you. and you DONT want to be able to cut yourself. its addicting and hard to overcome. it leaves scars. i face them everyday on my arms, wrists and thighs and am reminded of all the triggers that caused me to cut myself and now have to overcome the temptations to do not do it again. it IS sweet relief but afterwards, the guilt and shame comes back even worse than before. and then your left with scars. its not good. please dont.
Cutting isn’t all that it seems to be. Afterward I’m numb but eventually I regret it and the pain feels worse than before. It’s a horrible cycle and once it becomes addicting, cutting can become so hard to overcome. Nothing in life is ever easy, not even dying…
I don’t mean I want to become a self harmer, what I mean is I stole a scalpel from work and just wish I had the courage to kill myself by slitting my wrists and thighs. I just can’t do it, but I don’t want to be this person any more. Even my doctors won’t help me, mine told me to “just get on with it and stop wallowing”! That’s probably true, but I don’t know how! I just don’t know how to be a better person, I don’t know how to stop being depressed, how to be happy! I guess I’m too selfish and that is part of the problem. I just think about myself. And that adds to my disgust. I’m just sick and tired of being me…
Why would you want to start cutting if you don’t have the urge or impulse to do it? It’s like punishing yourself for not being able to start doing heroin. Cutting makes those addicted to it miserable and the “high” from it is temporary. Most wish they find a way out of that vicious circle so why aspire to join it? Can you find other ways to cope and take advantage of the fact that cutting doesn’t appeal to you?
I don’t want to start cutting, it’s the only easy form of suicide I have available.
Except its not easy!
Unless you’re willing to severe your aortic artery, cutting yourself will only provide a slow and extremely painful method of earning a trip to the hospital. You’d be better off forgeting about it.
It’s a very unreliable method. Most people end up missing the vein and your body will heal itself and close the wound before you lose enough blood to die. Do some research on the subject before you attempt.
Forgive me, i meant carotid artery.
People act like this depression is a light switch and that you can suddenly just switch it off and everything will be completely fine. I know how it feels when they look at you and wonder why you’re still depressed. I feel the same way. Lost. Just so sick and tired of trying. Just take it in baby steps. Overwhelming yourself with everything at once is useless and makes it worse. It takes time. I feel disgusting because I’m so scared of choking myself…I can never sleep, have cut myself numerous times and have even took pain pills to knock me out, but I’m scared of wrapping a rope around my neck. All I want to do half the time is try, but for whatever reason I can’t. I know I’m not supposed to think that way. I may never be officially normal or happy, but I think you will find a day when those thoughts won’t consume you and that’s what you should look forward to. Finding a way there is all apart of the journey, I hope you hold on long enough to see it through. 🙂
Thanks! I’m very definitely caught in a nasty downward spin I can’t seem to get out of, each step I take to improve things just seems to make them worse! I just don’t know what else I can try and how long I can wait for things to improve!