Seems like today everything is sort of coming at me. Â Reality of the past few days is setting in, I am not sure why now. Â Everything is taunting me. The guns, my life. Â I am trying to make it through each day and on to the next big thing.
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if you’re at all like me, then sometimes actions are even scarier upon reflection than they were when they were happening. the reality of the past few days sinking in must be rough, i wish i knew what to say to you to help.
darko good to go and clear your head. I hope that helps you. Yes, I pull the straps up almost everyday. Today is different though. I feel like today has something in store for me. I just hate waiting to find out. Maybe I should go out and do something exciting to take my mind elsewhere.
maybe take a walk? that sometimes makes me feel like i’ve done something with my day, even if it’s literally just walking around a couple blocks and then going home. take advantage of that optimism !
If you had only seen me in that moment. Felt how calm is was [trying] to be. Yet, the fear was all over my face. Mentally I could see what I must have looked like. Now to have to go through that again when the time comes, is rather difficult to think about.
I was thinking a round of air soft or paintball. Although a little slow for my speed, but still exciting.
don’t think about going through it again.. i think if you’re really ready to do it, you won’t be looking for a sign, you won’t be scared, and until then i hope you’ll keep on trying to live.
que sera, sera my dear, you can’t know what’s going to happen and worrying about it only makes you feel worse.
totally go paintballing, i’ve never been but i’ve always thought it’d be fun and will definitely get your mind off of difficult things.
Why would today be any more difficult than any other day?
Hi DoM I wish I could answer that completely. I have this feeling, like precognition, or something I am feeling inside. Shaking almost from thoughts that I am trying to stay away from. I really cannot explain this feeling.
Yes darko I am beginning to agree with you. Oh and paintballing stings a little, but totally worth it.
Can’t you take Benzos or something
I take adrenaline usually.
I didn’t know you could take adrenaline
you can, adrenaline shots. i think they sometimes use them in hospital when someones had a heart attack, to sort or jolt them back to life, and re-start there heart
Isn’t that the last thing someone with anxiety should be taking then?
Yes you can, but I like to try to do things that give me that rush. I do other stuff that I won’t mention, but adrenaline feels better.
its probably not the best idea tbh
No I don’t take shots. I do things for fun.
I agree duke, adrenaline sounds like a terrible thing to take for anxiety
Are you sure you don’t mean norepinephrine
Oh, your into extreme sports
What ever it is that rushes through my body when I feel I may die, but I don’t. That’s what it is.
Yes DoM.
+1 on the difficult day.
we’re all still here. getting out sounds like a good idea. going to try and get out today, myself. first time all week.
I should have known you were hardcore. paintball sounds like a great idea.
You should get out. Have fun or clear your mind. Leaving for the field. Be back later.
Hey guys, I just got back. You guys should go do some paintballing. Fun distraction. Wonder how long it will last though.
i’m glad it distracted you 🙂
Yes too bad it only lasts so long. I need something a little more dangerous than paintball. How are you doing?
i’m holding up ok, my head still hurts but things with me and my guy are working out well atm, which is quite good seeing as he lives in america aha. wbu ? how you doing ?
Sorry to hear about all that stuff you went through and about your head. It will feel better after some rest, and pain meds. Good, at the least you have that going for you atm. I am in the states. (TX for the time being) I feel a little better. All cleaned up now. I looked like a GI Joe. It was exciting. Trying to settle down now, drawing.
Nice to know your holding up okay, I think that guy really appreciates you being happy as well
Hi rathernot how are you?
ahah sounds it ! i love drawing, and i can’t take any pain meds for another week because i od 2 weeks ago :/
@rathernot: yeah i think he does :P, but he needs to hurry up and email me, he knows how impatient i am ahah
That’s not good. Maybe the pain will go away soon. Yes drawing takes your mind into another world. I am going to try and post one soon.
that would be kl to see :), what sort of things do you draw. mine are abit fucked aha
I really sketch just about anything. I am working on something from my experience in the hotel. What I think I looked like at the time of pulling the trigger. It has been on my mind so I wanted it on paper.
that sounds like its gunna be an amazing picture !
I cannot get the face exactly right so I had to draw from an angle. I hope it comes out the way I see it in my head.
i’m sure it will 🙂
You lose you gun.
No I still have it. How are you Donnie?
i want a gun 🙁 they look fun !
They are not really fun unless I am going to target shoot.
Then it can be fun.
Bang. Your dead. Not UK English girl. Where you from. Cause we dont do gun’s.
actually on second thoughts i’d be dangerous with one
They’re pretty fun when they aren’t turned against you
that depends on what your idea of fun is
You in to danger.
I am still waiting for your drawing of donnie.
A bad pic. A very bad bic.
True true, but I’m feeling pretty good right now so I think I’ll still go with my first rational
Bang, click, not dead. Maybe next time will be different, more along the lines of what you said. Currently in TX Donnie. We do guns in the states.
can be
Yes actually I did start on that. Not knowing what Donnie really looks like, I can only go off the way he comments, which is impossible, but I tried. I have to finish that one and post for sure.
do you know if isaac’s ok ? i haven’t heard from him since earlier
I do not know. If I don’t hear from him soon I may just email him.
ok, let me know how he is yeah ?
s2419 I have emailed him, no response yet. I will keep you posted.