So like an hour ago, I got a visit from 2 of my best friends here in Oxford.
One of them is a girl. Another is a boy, which if you read my last post, my crush.
I told them, I was drunk while I was in the State, I know I promise them not to get drunk again after that night in Oxford. They were pretty mad, which of course, they have absolutely right to, I deserve that.
They began to preaching me about being depress, choice to get drunk blah blah blah
And then they asked, why I have to be depress? when has this begin?
You know what, I can’t answer that. And my friend was like, she didn’t want to tell us. No that not true, I would like to tell them if only I knew the answer.
I been suffer from depression for like 5 years for sure or maybe more than that. I just don’t remember how this starts. I can’t remember. I remember I tried to cut myself for the first time and I remember overdose for the first time. But why? I don’t remember why. I don’t remember what trigger me. Just one day, can’t take this pain anymore, overdose then. I don’t remember why. I really don’t.
And my girl friend said, she pretends to be depress and my guy friend was like no she didn’t she just so miserable but not all the time. And so they were busying diagnose me. Me? I don’t know what to think or to say, feel so empty. I wish I could answer them but I just can’t.
Why?
7 comments
Well, Maggie… If you don’t use the confessional frequently, you should start there since it is easier than finding a proper therapist. Find a proper therapist, though. The combination of these two will help you discover what is threatening your enjoyment of life. Yes, it’s mostly you talking, but the questions they ask are more for your contemplation, and that helps.
And as far as your special man… Yes, for everyone’s sakes, tell him the truth about what his kindness has done for you and how it hurts to think you will not look in his eyes and hold his hand… Maggie, even IF he has other ideas, you will be at peace in this thing… You just can’t keep this pain hidden. Your friends will not understand because they’re not suicidal. They still care about you, too.
Talk to your pastor. Hire a therapist. Don’t lose hope. You will be happy, Maggie. 🙂
Thanks heartcore.
Well, the first thing I did after arrive in Oxford. Was I arranged for the confession.
I did that, already did the confession.
Make me feel a bit better, at least not that sinful.
About my guy, how to tell him?
Gosh, I know, at least for not my sake, you guys sakes,
I need to do something.
Wish I have enough courage to look him into the eyes and I say what I am saying right now, I meant in the other post.
The truth is I don’t have that courage, I guess.
Where to begin? I am so confused, don’t know how to begin.
mm yeah there is a confession app that i use that’s really great, it’s approved by a lot of bishops and stuff, called confession by little i apps, i think its for android phones and kindles, ipads, iphones, etc. i found doing weekly confessions keeps me from getting drunk, hurting myself, etc, because i hate admitting that in confession. and yeah talking it out outside of confession really helps too because one admits that you are holding in bad things and doubles for getting a blessing and then talking it out soothes the confusion and lack of courage.
Really? An app for iPhone?
Ahhh nope.
I admitted to a priest. A real confession.
Btw, I was debating my brother, who is priest, about the online confession, I was talking about FaceTime or Skype. Cause the Cannon Law is talking about face to face confession.
So what? FaceTime and Skype are also face to face. But my brother won’t give up on this.
He say yeah, if you can’t make so often confession, then the Cannon Law said you have to do it at least once a year. Nah, he won’t even really answer on this one.
Well, should make him writes to the Pope asking about this lol. It 2012 com’on, we are not in 1st century anymore!!!
Anyway, it really good to make a confession.
I remember a cute thing from seminary: “When a person prays for more courage, God sends a lion to block your path. One could faint from fear or vehemently curse God, but this is the perfect answer. God is proving how brave you actually are.”
Well, whatever you do Maggie, however you feel, Love is real and you are blessed. You face that lion and enjoy your life regardless. That’s what we do. 🙂
I know He always do that. I would have stand still, don’t know what to do. Probably say, Oh God, help!
I am talking on Skype with him, my guy, I men not God lol.
But ahhh I don’t really think I should tell him on Skype.
I should tell him right? Just so he knows?
But how???
Tell me tell me, you read my last post, right?
I just can’t let him walk out of my life like the others did, he is too valuable. I don’t know if I could or be able to find someone just like him for the rest of my not so crappy life but ah..
I can’t I can’t just let him go and I mean just looking at him when he has to walk away, of course not now, but in 7 months or something. I know I need to do something. Oh Gosh, my tears falling out again.
Please tell me.
No you take the iPhone app into a real confession, it’s doesn’t work if you just do it yourself, because there’s no one to absolve you! Like you take it into the confessional, its sort of just like a digital list (I alwayys made lists of things to talk about so I wouldn’t forget). But you still take it to the physical confessional. That’s why it’s approved my bishops, they wouldn’t approve something else.