So a few things needed to end it all arrived today. The one thing that was stopping me at one point was a fear of what was on the other side but now I realise it can’t be any worse than this shitty life. My sister and her fiancée came round yesterday and they were talking about marriage and what not, something I would never have even though I would love to be an average joe with a wife and kids just making it in the world but I doubt it will ever happen. I’m too fucked up. It just reminded me how bad my life is and how it can only get more depressing the longer I live it. Wish I was never born really. I should be thankful I’m not living in a 3rd world country on the brink of ground breaking poverty but that doesn’t bring much solace any more. I just wasn’t meant to be. The only thing that stops me now is the pain my death would cause to my family but even that has a limited capacity to make me not go through with things. The only thing that does make me happy is the idea that it will all be over soon. Hope I’m reborn into another life here on Earth just to give it another go but doubt that’s what happens. Probably just some black abyss of non existence. End rant.
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3 comments
Hello xTKsaucex,
Most of us here understand those feelings…ayup. But trust me when I say that death is not the answer…merely another question. I am sure no matter what that you will get an opportunity to come back and finish what you started. My shrink had reccomended past life regression therapy for me…and I did it. Turns out I was a suicide in my last reality here…and the one before…and well you get it don’t you? You’ve come so far…why do you want to start at the beginning again? Just curious.
Peace
Amakua
I have this idealised thought that in another life I would remember the mistakes I made in this one and make something of myself that time round. Obviously if that were true everyone would be able to remember past lives or something so I’m grabbing at loose straws here. I just remember the lyrics of Hurt ‘If I can start again, a million miles away, I would keep myself, I would find a way’. Its a cute thought but its not likely to happen.
Haha, it would suck if my soul is doomed to suicide every time though.
Hey TK
no such thing as doomed to suicide every time…lol…cuz this time…with help I’m gonna beat this one. I’m almost there too…only another 20 or 30 years to go perhaps…so I really wouldn’t want to start all over again this late in the game…hahaha…and yet sometimes it gets so hard to think about anything but suicide…but I just keep telling myself that it is not an option…and try to think about something else…lol. Just like suicide is a choice…so is life in my opinion…everyone is alive but how many of us are really living? I choose life this time…that is all…and I am fighting to make it a reality.
Peace
Amakua