Following a crappy childhood full of physical mental and sexual abuse, then family member losses (unfortunately the only ones who were not abusive), and repressing it all for 30 odd years, I experienced a breakdown on 28th September. Since then I cannot think / focus on anything else but what I experienced, and how I have treated myself for years. To say that I have been obssessing about suicide is putting it lightly! Between 31/10/12 and 1/11/12 I met with 5 mental health professionals (including 3 psychiatrists) who all decided that I should have the responsibility for my own life. Well if that is not the NHS telling me to proceed with suicide I don’t know what is! So why the hell on the 2/11/12 did they save my life after my attempt? I kept telling them to only assist me with the pain and not to save me, I even put up a fight until I was unable to do so, but they still saved me. And for what? Why did they bother? I was almost there. I had almost achieved it, and some of you know how difficult that is. So why the hell did they not listen? I have learnt several things from the attempt, so you can say that I have learnt from my experience. Next time I will not fail.
Planning is key, that I have definately learnt!