These are my thoughts, as they come to me, whether it be sitting in a crowded place or alone in contemplation. I look around and see people going about their days not knowing of me. My struggles, my life, my past. How is it that we can FUCKING PASS THROUGH LIFE SO GODDAMN FUCKING BLINDLY!?!?!?! It confounds me that these people will never know the people 5 feet away from them. Just today I did a good deed, a small one but a good deed all the same.
I look around and see children and adults. All in different states of mind. I can see their personalities, their ideals, their lifestyles and their goals. Their hopes dreams and aspirations. But what does that do for me? Nothing.I just don’t know how to do it.
I just don’t know. I’m not ready. I’m not worthy. I’m not what they wanted me to be. I am however, a failure. A shadow of my former self. A remainder that pales in comparison to the hopes of my parents, friends, and loved ones. Loved ones? Who do I love?
I love nothing. Everything does not necessarily need to love to exist. I exist without love. Only fear and self loathing.
I’m scared. Of myself and of everything around me. I’m scared of what may be and what has been. I just don’t don’t know how to handle it
None of us do.
My left hand hurts from the keyboard so I suppose I’ll stop for now.