Hello All,
I know my title may sound corny, but it is the truth. I am not here to change anyone’s mind or dissuade them from doing what they must.
I want to let others know that there are people out there who do care or we wouldn’t have come to this site in the first place. People bring their hurt and pain here, posting it for the world to see. Some may use it as a cry for attention. It’s all okay though.
I found this site a little less than a year ago as I started to plan my demise because of one broken relationship after another. The last one nearly pushed me over the edge. I was days away from taking my own life and was just tying up some loose ends. I didn’t really want to hurt my Mom and kids with my decision, but I was just so damn tired of being unloved and the hurt just would NOT stop. I had prayed over and over to bring the guy I loved back to me. When my plans were almost complete, God intervened and I got back together with the one who had broken my heart. There is an old saying to be careful what you wish for, because you may just get it. I got back together with this guy after he left me high and dry because he gets off to porn instead of me. I thought we had FINALLY put it behind us this time, and we could move forward. Addiction can take many forms, and his just happens to be teen porn that has taken my place in his life. Once a liar, always a liar though. I thought when we got back together it was because it was meant to be. Now I realize God did it to save my life, not because he wanted me back with this loser. I am right back where I started now, except I know that this jerk was never worth me taking my own life, nor will he ever be. Because of my blind stupidity though, I have to live with the bad choice I made when I took him back. The hurt is still there. I get so depressed that it is all I can do to function some days. I am almost 50 years old and the rest of my days look loveless, dark, and bleak. I am going to just let my life play out though. I will NOT give in to the demons that would see me dead by my own hand. Especially because of some hardhearted, pervert, who doesn’t appreciate a woman who loves him with all her own heart.
Because of this I want to let those who would listen that there are people who understand what heartbreak is, such as myself. I do care about those of you who feel like you have no one to turn to and no alternative but to end the pain by taking your own life.
I posted this once before. The song is by the band Shinedown and one part of the lyrics is just so descriptive.
“I created the Sound of Madness.
Wrote the book on pain.
Somehow I’m still here,
To explain,
That the darkest hour never comes in the night.
You can sleep with a gun.
When you gonna wake up and fight… for yourself?”
With that, I will close this post. I wish each and everyone of you happiness in whichever way it is to be found for you. May you find peace, if not in this life, then hopefully the next. Just remember though, that there are people just like me in this world who do care and would take your pain away, if only we knew how.
4 comments
Thanks
Thanks for the sentiments. Sorry to hear that you are not getting the attention you deserve from this guy, but do you love this guy or not? – you come across alittle confused
my husband of 11 years left me with a note and a ring no goodbyes no fuck offs nothin a week later i found out he has been having an affair for over a year with his best friends girlfriend, the pain is so deep, i feel worthless, i feel alone, i lost everything my home , my dreams, everything im ready for it to end now
Wishing the happiness back.
You’re right about us coming here for a reason, and you’re right not to let this guy’s ignorance steal your shine.
You don’t have to stay with *anyone* who diminishes you and your perception of self-worth in this way. Every person is entitled to respect.
I know you write that you love him, but at this point it’s irrelevant. Stop. Pray. Get Out. Pray. Get Better. In any order. And look for other, better types of love. It doesn’t have to all be romantic.