i just can’t anymore

i dont want compliments, or anyone to tell me it will get better. if you understand, you will know why i feel like i can’t go on. i want to kill myself so badly. it’s just scary to think about it. i cut myself so much its getting crazy. and i just can’t eat anymore. i’m so tired of feeling rejected and lost. i am so tired of living. i’m not even joking when i say no one would care if i died. and i’m not lying when i say im not pretty. i mean it. i mean every word i say. i can’t even be myself without being rejected my society. i can’t even say something without someone judging me. i am sure many of you know the feeling. and you know it sucks. i just don’t know what to do anymore quite honestly. i don’t know how i am supposed to feel. my parents don’t know what to do with me. they just yell. they don’t understand. no one will fully understand, and i think i might like that. i think that if people did understand that would make it better. but i am scared of being better. you can get addicted, as you all probably know, you can get so pulled in by depression and sadness and if you try to climb out, you feel like half of you is missing. and you need the sadness. that certain sadness that doesn’t leave and you are scared to get rid of. it makes you who you are and you don’t want to live without it. i don’t even know what i am trying to say, maybe i’m just trying to get my feelings out. i’m not sure. all i am sure of is i want to disappear forever and i am scared that one day that will happen.