i don’t even know why i’m on here. it’s not like people want to know about me anyways, but ohkay. i’m cat and i turn 15 in november. i’ve been suffering with OCD, depression, anxiety and body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). the body dysmorphic disorder is the worst because i got homeschooled because of it. i would sit there and stare at myself for hours and cry when i should be getting ready. i would punch myself in the face or wrists and pull my hair or skin. i started out just being constantly late to school, but now i’m so afraid of people seeing me […]
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Compliments
I have to ask… am I an ideal suicide candidate? My family life has all but gone to shit (and trust me, I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING to change that around); I have a job that makes me miserable and I’ve had enough jobs to know it’s not getting any better out there. I can’t afford school ( I’m 22) and I don’t know where I want to see myself career-wise. I hate the way I look, despite compliments, which seem more like desperate attempts from friends to raise my self-esteem or from guys to get in my pants. I could go on… I’m serious about […]
I have been growing my viking beard for a few months, everyone compliments me on it. I originally grew it out of depression but now I like it. So strange, I just wanted to look different, apart from the masses and now people look at me like i have courage or something, like i know something they don’t. Well I don’t. They think I’m happy and unique when really i am angry and depressed. I wanted to be left alone but now people want to talk to me. No one impressive talks to me. I am very dissatisfied with life. I feel like no one […]
i dont want compliments, or anyone to tell me it will get better. if you understand, you will know why i feel like i can’t go on. i want to kill myself so badly. it’s just scary to think about it. i cut myself so much its getting crazy. and i just can’t eat anymore. i’m so tired of feeling rejected and lost. i am so tired of living. i’m not even joking when i say no one would care if i died. and i’m not lying when i say im not pretty. i mean it. i mean every word i say. i can’t even […]
I feel ready to just give up, call it quits, throw in the towel.
I just cant seem to find any sort of purpose to this struggle,
Day in day out, it never ends.
It gets harder and harder to get out of bed every morning,
just the effort of standing exhausts me,
this isn’t living free.
I’m fed up with letting everyone down,
they give me compliments, praise me, say theyre proud,
but they can do better than me.
Deserve better.
Driving home tonight i just wanted to hit a semi or the nearest building.
Just to end it all, get rid of the pain, the memories and the fuck ups.
So everyone could just move […]
More often than not, I think about what really drives me to wake up every morning. Is it the fact that my mom, a beautiful image of a once glamorous singer, wakes me up to kiss me and bring me breakfast in bed every morning? Is it my adorable boyfriend who still spits the image of an angelic baby, yet strikes me as a mature young man? Is it the compliments I get from my teachers each time a class would end? I really don’t know. All I know is that I haven’t really been happy. For the past year, I’ve woken up to the […]
I look in ugly people and ask myself: “How do they live? And why? Why am I living?”
My arms are too long.
My hair is too short.
My legs are too fat.
My skin has way to much red blemishes.
My face shape is horrible.
I get compliments from ugly people and I ask myself: “So… Am I the prettiest one from ugly people? Why pretty people never like me? Why handsome guys reject me?”
I just want to sleep… Forever… I don’t want anyone to see me. I don’t want to see myself.
Wow, you know I never thought I’d say this, but I’m enjoying life. Ive got a boyfriend, but its long distance.. Still though hes wonderful.. Calls me beautiful and always full of compliments.. I got a job, im just.. Relieved things are going so good. Im sort of surprised but its nice. I hope your all doing okay. Please, dOnt give up, find something to occupy yourself with.. Distract yourself, take your meds,eat healthy, excersize. Your all wonderful here.. And I love you all. Thank uou do much for helping me, im glad I didnt take my life like I was going to. […]
Here I am. I’m told I’m great. Good looking. Smart. Kind. Talented. I do many things. Have loving parents. Have loving friends. Have people who care. Even with all of these things, I’m stuck. It’s like an endless circle. I’m sad and angry, then numb. I feel numb so much of the time…I…I’m not even sure what I feel anymore. I mistook my content with my gay friend’s compliments to me, as a love for him. I’m a straight male. I know this because I’ve tried to have relationships with other guys. It was never right…it never felt right. I never kissed a guy, because […]
I’m never going to be worth anything. Why? Because I try so damn hard to be myself, but apparently that person is already taken.
It’s been like this my whole life. I wanted SO bad to be a horse vet, then a year later, my older sister declares horse vet as her career choice. All anyone talked about what how perfect it was for her. She’s SO good with animals.
I want to visit Ireland and Wales, where my ancestors came from, but NO. Coincidentally, my sister is getting an opportunity to go. I’ve wanted to go since middle school.
I want to work with animals for a […]
Hello, everyone.
Not so sure what to say. This is my first time ever posting anything on a website for, like, 3 years. So please bear with me 🙂
Basically, I literally feel entirely worthless.  When I was growing up, my mom was an emotionally distant alcoholic, and my dad was emotionally and physically abusive. They were both also extremely over-protective and critical of me. My dad is probably the most negative person I’ve ever met. I don’t think I have ever heard him say one positive thing about me and really meant it. When I was younger I tried to over-achieve and impress him, but the […]
Sometimes I feel like I have no right to feel as horrible as I do. I’m not facing peer pressure, I don’t have horrible parents that do drugs or would kick me out if I was gay or anything like that, but I just feel like a piece of crap all the time. I try as hard as I can to be a good person, really. I never ask my parents to buy anything for me unless they ask for a birthday or Christmas list (and I never put more than three or four things down, knowing that we can’t afford much), I do anything […]
HI. I’m new here. I don’t really know how to open up just yet. The only thing keeping me fro killing myself, I’ll be honest, is my dog. My depression is a daily thing. I hate myself. I don’t believe it when someone compliments me. I’m tired. Of everything. I wish the ground could swallow me up. I don’t know what to do anymore. No one understands.
I’ve never posted here, but I’ve been a lurker for the past 3 or 4 months. I’m currently 18 and two months ago I was put into an intensive outpatient program for depression/anxiety. I was prescribed Wellbutrin and was discharged after 6 weeks. The week after I got discharged I began to have grim thoughts, thoughts that are so grim that I actually made a noose and hung it in my house and made a suicide notes. For 3 nights, I would go and put the noose on and decide whether I would jump off the table and kill myself or not. Obviously I chose […]
This is going to be more of a rant really. Knowing me, a long(-ish?) post. My apologies (If anyone even goes on to read this) for probably many clichés and awful English. Apparently I’m a fairly good writer. Pah, I wonder who’d still think that after reading my journals? No, I think that people on here and around me are just kinder than I deserve. My friends deserve so much more than me (I’m sorry…).
But yeah, ‘what a surprise’. Choose to die. Fail. Find more reliable ways to die. Fail. Set a date: 101252. Ooh, what a shocker – fail. What’s my freaking problem this time? […]
A smiling ,laughing,and always have everything together that’s the kind of girl girl that’s what everyone sees when looking at me.So how can they tell that their is something wrong with me?For I get good grades have lots of friends how would they be able to tell there’s something wrong?The girl with the pretty family that everyone compliments so how can they tell their is something wrong with me?In reality I want to cry,scream,and break-down that ways something could tell there’s something wrong with me.I want to stop trying to get good grades and show people my friends are fake so they can tell there’s […]
Fat.Ugly.Loser.That’s all I hear from people when they think I can’t hear them and some people will say it right to my face.I want to say something but I’m only the fat girl in the corner while her own friends laugh at her.Everyone is surprised how I’m friends with the popEven at home it’s bad everyone always compliments my family and everyone’s always surprised I’m related to them.The family of beautiful swans and I’m the ugly duckling everyone seems to liek whispering about how fat and ugly I am as if I don’t already know that.Is life really worth it when your a  screw up?
I am depressed and sad and I’ve tried everything, and I don’t think I can go on. I have tried meds, therapy, doctors, yoga, everything. i get thirty seconds of peace each morning immediately after I wake. Then it’s like someone turns on the radio in my head and it’s a constant rant of hopelessness and hurt.Â
One of the frustrating parts is hardly anybody knows the truth, and I have nobody to talk to. My dad was a world champion sales rep because he was a true expert in how to make people feel good and feel comfortable. He was born with the touch. I learned it from him. I am also an expert at […]
I have spent the entire day in a fight. A fight with myself, with my boyfriend, with my life. I don’t want to do this anymore. I am so filled with anger and hate that I can’t stand to be around myself. This has been going on for a long time. I am a college graduate and looking at med school, but right now I don’t feel like I am good enough to even get in. I am taking science prereq’s and I just got a C on my last A & P exam. I feel so stupid. It doesn’t help that I have an […]