I have no real reason to kill myself. I guess I’m being really selfish and unreasonable. My boyfriend left me oh..about month and a half ago. I really loved him..no..I was obsessed with him. I still am. After he left me I threatened to kill myself and his mother found out. He still really cares about me, he only left in the first place because he thought I could do better. It really destroyed me inside. I’ve done awful things. I’ve cut, I’ve lied, I’ve threatened to kill myself, I’ve tried to blackmail him and I’ve used other people. I feel worthless, unattractive, unable to focus on anything but myself and I just can’t live feeling the way I do. About 2 weeks ago he finally said he would come back but we can’t be together because his mother does not want him to see me anymore. Or even talk to me. I hate her. She’s the worst person in the world, I’m no psychologist but she’s definitely a borderline or a narcissist. It pisses me off because she’s his mother and she treats him like shit in my opinion, but I’m not going to go into detail about her..because it just makes me incredibly angry. He deserves a better mother than her. He deserves a better girlfriend than me. I just can’t let him go. I can’t wait 2 years until he’s 18 and doesn’t have to listen to that ***** anymore. But I can’t move on. I can’t look at him without crying. I almost hate myself. I thought I would never fall in love at my age..never get hung up on a guy because I used to be cold as stone when it came to breaking up it never hurt it never meant anything and now I’m going to kill myself over him. I’m so stuck and selfish and one big ugly pity-party. I don’t know what to do with myself. I just don’t want to live anymore. Too much pain, selfishness, lies I really dug myself into a hole. And I don’t want help. I don’t want to live without him. I don’t want to live at all. I won’t do it today…or tomorrow…but soon. I know I’m going to do it…and maybe it’s what I deserve.
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8 comments
LonelyLostRainbow,
sorry things are working for you,you should calm down! perhaps your creating to much drama,and people don’t like it? be a sweet girl stop threating killing yourself you attract more bees with honey then shit?
im sorry to hear how you feel. it really does get better, i promise. ive been through so many break uos in my life time and though i was going to die aftwr each one thepain was so bad. but time heals all wounds.
hey rocketman, just waiting for my girlfriend to come over and then parrrtayyyy! OH YEA!
I’m not really creating drama with a lot people. All my friends still like me and are concerned about me. They’re all doing the “I’m here for you” and the “You can do better anyway” thing. But nobody gets it! I’m not moving on! I just can’t.
@LonelyLostRainbow- Hey. I know how it feels… I used to have this obsession with this boy. I tell you what though. It does get better. I know you can’t move on. It’s impossible. But think of it this way- a road block. One day, if you two are meant to be, you’ll meet again. His mother will not be there. It will be you, him, and the sky, wind and sea. You’ll be able to get over him if it’s not meant to be. If it is meant to be, think about him. But don’t obsess over him. One day, you might just surprize yourself. 🙂
I really hope so. I just..I don’t know how much longer I can do what I’m doing. Moping around, I mean. I don’t know if I want to try and continue on or just kill myself. I don’t know what to do, I’m confused. And I’m scared he’ll move on and I’ll be stuck wanting someone who no longer wants me back. And then I’ll have wasted even more of my life. I don’t know if I want to go through that or even try…
you have to move on. killing yourself is way harder than it seems. just put one foot in front of the other. and keep doing that, baby steps.
You can do it. All you have to do is sit down and think- Do you really need him? I don’t think you exactly gotta move on. Just think of what you want in someone. Does he really have what you want, or is he just cute? If he moves on, prove you’re bigger than feelings and try to move on. If you can’t, you’ll find a way to find someone like him or someone better. I do believe you can do it, if you take it easy and just let life go as it pleases.
Maybe..