Here’s my story.
I lived in England for two and a half years. I had amazing experiences there, gained friends, found a good church and met my ex bf (whom I loved and still love). I was catholic before but became born again Christian which is a significant thing that happened to me while I was in England.
My ex and I were very close and very sweet. People always looked at us whenever we go out or even at church probably because we look good together or probably because of our overflowing affection to each other. We’ve been together for almost 9 months. We had issues like any other relationships but we always sat down to talk about it and find solution to every problem. So i thought, we were okay.
I have decided to go back to my country and he was very supportive…in fact he kept telling me that he will come with me and we will be together. So much hopes and so much love…
Last month he told me that he think our relationship will not last long term and he is not ready to come with me to my country. I was devastated, cried several days but he said we will work things out. So i booked my ticket thinking he’s not gonna come with me but we will still work the relationship even if its long distance. After a week of booking my ticket, he made a decision to come with me…He said, he really love me and he wants to be with me especially Christmas. I was so happy when he booked his ticket and have everything sorted like insurance and vaccines. I made plans in my mind already on things we are going to do on our trip…so many wonderful things in my mind.
Then the storm happened a week before our supposed flight…he split up with me.
Why? I always asked him before as to whats gonna happen in our relationship especially that its gonna be long distance when he’s back to england. So he said we will have a discussion a week before he goes back to england…and i agreed. However, a week before our flight I said, why not have a chat before we go so we can have clear minds while enjoying Christmas. He was upset. He said he’s disappointed in me. His initial response was, “let me call the airline first if i can have a refund on my ticket”
I was so shocked why he was thinking of refunding his ticket when all i asked was a chat about plans in our relationship. So we had a horrible discussion, he told me things he liked about me and i did as well, and he told me about my issues which he’s having problems about. He concluded with this statement “to be honest I dont think this relationship will last long term…I think we’d be better off as friends”. My world collapsed as my heart was crushed. So i said “then dont come with me to my country cos what’s the point if you’re already thinking this wont last long term and you just want to be friends”.
We had exchange of statements and it went worst. The next day, he called the paramedics as i was hyperventilating and my whole body went stiff and i was in terrible pain. They brought me to hospital as the paramedics saw an abnormal reading on my ECG. But i was released same day as the hospital said I am fine, just need to relax and rest.
I pretended to be okay even if I’m not. I cant believe it was happening to me, my bf left me, my family abandoned me because of my bf and decisions in life…all these are happening when im about to go back to my country for Christmas.
After few days, i begged my bf to forgive me and just give me another chance to rescue the relationship…but he’s so firm and hard. Since then, I’ve been thinking about pushing myself onto a train or a car, overdosing on pills with alcohol, or stabbing myself with a knife.
I did loads of research including this website and personally I prefer overdosing on tricyclic anti depressants and drink wine with it while renting a room in a secluded place. I have this plan for three days now and I’m close to executing it.
To whoever read my story, you might find it a lame excuse to comit suicide. You are entitled to your own views. I just hope that people (guys and girls) will learn that love is a strong emotion…its a gift…but it can also be a curse.
8 comments
Um… What happened to your restored faith in your religion? You said that was a powerful experience. Isn’t your relationship with your god more important than some silly guy? He was honest with you and said he only envisioned you two being friends. I’m not religious so i can get pretty hopeless but i don’t understand how other people can profess their love for a certain faith and then still be suicidal and depressed. Doesn’t your religion tell you that your god has a plan for you and you should not doubt or fear difficult times in your life. Carry your cross like the god that died for you. You will find someone who loves you and wants to be more than friends. Suicide certainly isn’t Christian, so do you follow your religion or not?
I’m losing everything even my faith. It says in the bible that love never fails…but what happened to our love for each other? It is easy to give advice when you’re not in the situation. I’m sure people have their own tragic stories but it doesnt mean theirs is worse than mine because every story and experience is different and have different impact.
Anyway, does anyone knows which is more potent? Plain sedative or anti-depressant? Can somebody recommend a good website where I can order pills?
what is your email?
@worthlessfellow
you d better not be advising her on ways to suicide, because she is requesting that.
@ana814
I think I could write to you in Spanish, because highly likely you are from Central or South America. Nos podemos entender bien.
Ana. I fully fully understand your feelings. I absolutely agree with you in how you feel because I am like you in the sense that I am (or was when I was younger) very attached to love and very dependent on it. I am completely convinced that your feelings were very strong and are. And here what I am seeing is that he is an immature and dumb kid who is not worth the depth of your love. Of course, I fully know that at this stage, today 29th of Dec you cannot transform the nature of your feelings as I write to you, because these things take their time and always follow this pattern:
1) Absolute despair, tears, the desire to stop eating and disappearing from this world.
– Shock and difficulties to assimilate the news. Sense of “this cannot be happening” That lasts a few days.
Then as weeks pass by intensity diminishes as the brain develops its own adaptation process. This is when one battles with analysis, “I should have said or done this” or “If I had not done that this would have not happened”, maybe if I could explain to him, he would understand, maybe a second chance would do, etc.
2) Then the pain starts lowering, and you start to alternate your mind over other things and are beginning to regard that as something to analyse as something from the past.
3) Then you start to associate that guy with the pain he caused you and you develop other kind of feelings.
4) Then you realize that you were too good for him.
Ana. What you need to do for the next time is to be less emotional in your love engagements and take things easier and more cautious. Eres una latina entregada y él es un Británico que suelen ser bastante crueles.
Now you need to organize your thoughts and understand that it will be normal that you are feeling very down but you must avoid the trap of hiding alone in a place to cry. Precisely it is the right chance for you to go back to your country and the distance will help in a very effective way. Believe me, even if you had stayed together, a relationship in the distance NEVER works. Only if it is a very stable couple of many year and the separation is for a short time. Humans need the loved person by their side, not in another continent.
Bonita, coge el billete, vuelve a tu paÃs, y verás cómo empiezas a mejorar.
Remember, do not let yourself fall into the trap of temptation of depressing. That is, avoid AVOID at all costs to lie in bed crying about things because you need to help your mind so that she can recover. Help your mind means, walk on the streets, shop around, do nice things for you, help a kid or an elder, even if you are crying. But that is how it has to be.
I am a Pharmacist and what you are trying to do and take will not work and whatever anybody advises you as drugs will not work. Follow my advices to the lettter.
besos
annlou67@yahoo.com
@oracle
He’s not a kid…he’s 38
I am not Spanish (although I am always mistaken as one) but im asian
I understand that people who are trying to help will always say pills wont work etc…but i have made my research…I am a nurse myself and yes pills do work, although in some unfortunate cases, they dont. But with the right kind, right amount, right cocktail then for sure it does. In fact, most successful suicide I researched were due to overdosing on pills with alcohol. There was one paramedic in london who accidentally died by drinking few number of pills (anti depressant) while drinking wine. She wasnt suicidal, she just needed the pill because of the demand in her job. The bottom line is, yes pills do work. I just need to ensure I have the right kind.
nope, there is absolutely no guarantee that pills will do what you want them, if you think that you are just going to sleep peacefully you may wake up in the middle chocking your vomiting in your lungs, remaining with brain damage because of anoxia.
The paramedic did not die because the wine and the pills were too much of a dose, some people may die even taking a couple of pain killers because they may be allergic to them, or two aspirins can cause in some people grave syndromes etc.
So that aspect is settled and we don’t talk more about it.
The fact that he is 38 does not change anything in the least, he can perfectly be an immature in love affairs, a lot of people are, even at age of 50, you are also one of them. No matter how intelligent they may be. So, I call him a kid, again. Because love is a matter not of years but of emotional stability, and so far it seems that the two of you are very badly lacking in that.
This is what you should address. I would say that this is a great opportunity to solve that flaw in your personality that makes you suffer so much. The degree of dependency that you had from him is almost pathological, and that has nothing to do with love. You cannot imagine the BILLIONS of people around the world who think they are in love and haven’t got a clue of it.
All the discomfort that you feel now like chest pressure, anxiety, lack of appetite are out of proportion symptoms that are telling you that it is YOU who has an issue on how you deal with problems, so the problem is not so much the broken up relationship, but your too vulnerable emotional structure.
@oracle
Thank you. Just an update, I am still struggling and very much in pain but I am slowly coming into my senses now. Although I havent had proper sleep for almost two weeks now, I made a conscious decision to STOP thinking about suicide. My cousin and friends are helping me a lot. I have to admit that I questioned God and somewhere along the way, I blamed Him too which is very wrong. Yes you are right, I became very dependent on the guy which is not healthy at all. Probably this is just a challenge for me to strengthen my relationship with the Lord at the same time evaluate myself anc make adjustments. At the moment I am still up and down with my emotions, I just hope and pray that it wont take long for me to recover.