My life has always sucked. No need to do the whole show, but within the past 6 weeks, my husband filed for divorce, stole every penny, I’ve been diagnosed with MDD and severe PTSD, they wanted to hospitalize me but I said NO because I have ‘those dogs’. I lost my home to foreclosure 4 years ago (my husband decided to buy a Vibe instead of paying the mortgage), I haven’t work in as long so I have no credit.
The month from Nov. 14th to December 20th, my husband and I got along exceptionally well. Went out to dinner, talked about things (nothing important), did the grocery shopping. Then on the 20th, I ran to Fed Ex and came home 20 minutes later to a note that says ‘I am sorry. I cant do this anymore. I am going to find someplace to stay tonight and tomorrow night and going out of town on Saturday’. He left me no money. He has never put me on a checking account or given me a debit card – I used to get a $40/month allowance.
I called my mother (obviously a big mistake). She said ‘You can come here but you can’t bring ‘THOSE DOGS’. I have 2 dogs. They went with me to her place for 3 months last year. They did not do a single thing wrong. I just had to make sure the remotes and pens were picked up.
I called people that I’d thought were my friends, asking if I could rent their basement for a month or two. They said ‘gosh, we would but we already have dogs so we don’t have room for THOSE DOGS’. On and On.
I killed a kid in March. I fell into severe depression. If I didn’t have ‘THOSE DOGS’ I would be dead right now. Not a single soul called and asked me if I was ok. Nobody said ‘gosh it’s been a week since you showered’ – nothing. Oh wait, one friend would call but she lives 700 miles away and has her own set of worries so I cant keep bogging her down with mine.
There is no possible way out of this for me. I have no where to go, no place to stay, no one to talk to, no money, no food, no nothing. THOSE DOGS do have plenty to eat though, pleast don’t think I’m going to abuse my dogs!
I am 100% convinced that it is FINALLY time to kill myself. I have wanted to for a very long time. I have written most of my farewell letter, I have written a list of who should get what of my belongings, I’ve tried to sell as much as possible so nobody would be overwhelmed. It is just TIME and every single thing points to doing it within the next week.
Here is my question. Should I take “THOSE DOGS’ with me? I have nobody to take them, they are MY responsibility and it would kill me a million times over for them to be in a bad home. They are truly my everything. I love them and think they should stay with me. Am I wrong? Please be nice, I’m incredibly sensitive right now.
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Oh, I forgot to mention. The whole thing with my husband leaving then on the spur of the moment? Bullshit. He went back to Michigan and went on a family vacation with his mommy and daddy to Aruba. He sent me a text before he left saying he wouldnt have phone coverage but should be able to check email. And he certainly has been checking in on facebook! Every new picture his fat new girlfriend puts up, he is ‘liking’ it straight away. It has all been a lie. My whole life is a lie and Im a joke.
Might i suggest looking for a non-profit rescue with a good reputation and a mandated commitment to be no-kill, in your area – perhaps they may even be able to foster your dogs until you can get into a stable living situation and maybe avoid ending it as well.
i’m sorry for your situation – i know how difficult it is – especially with dogs – i have 4 or 5 at any given time – i’m always walking that tightrope of being homeless. – so far i’e gotten lucky to this point.
without a net dawg
i would like to know why on earth with all of your marital issues and money problems and such did in this entire post the thing that caught my attention the most was “I killed a kid in March”… but there was no more than that one sentence explaining that. that you may have been responsible for someone’s death is a HUGE thing, yet it receives no explanation in your post. that kind of is a big deal i think.
i understand how painful a divorce is, and how much it burns to have been lied to and felt abandoned. i too also know the thin line between homelessness and barely making it… but i feel there is much more to your pain and suffering than being hurt by the one you love.
my intention is not to sound unsympathetic though. please do not mistake my reply as such. i am truly sorry that your husband would treat you in such a disrespectful and selfish manner, and that you are struggling with some serious problems right now, but it seemed really out of place that you admit to killing someone, and then continue with your story without any pause or explanation.
did you have an abortion? that would almost describe why you ‘killed a kid’.. If that’s the case please don’t hesitate to talk to me.. please.. I know how that goes. otherwise, as Lost said, please tell me what you mean by that.
stay strong
but please don’t take those dogs with you honey. in fact please don’t go.. I need you here as do many others. please don’t go..