MY Story

My Name is Markus Jolley, also I go by MJ. I have tried at least 12 attempts of suicide, all failing, and now all I have is myself.  I have no family, and I live in a group home for troubled or stranded youth. When I did have a family, I developed differently than any other kid my age. The Tests for mental instability or disorders started when I was 5. I went through medical tests over and over, until an MRI was ordered on my brain. It turned out that I had Frontal Lobe Gliosis which looks like this. http://www.ajnr.org/content/24/2/218/F3.large.jpg

This Problem explained my functioning and partially why I acted the way I did around other people. When I was 6 years old through age 8, I was repeatedly raped with two culprits. At the time, It was a a family friend’s family, a father and son that did it to me. I was traumatized then until now, still. I told my family, and we called the police. there wasn’t any sign of abuse, so they got away with it. I was shortly after diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. Asperger’s syndrome is a disorder in the autistic spectrum that alters social functioning. I am still awkward in social situations, but I have had to train myself, how to act in front of people, So I won’t look any different than someone who is socially stable.  Anyways, I am going back to my story. When I was 9, I started to self inflict with anything I could find that would do the job, and I was sent to a mental institution for a month. I got out, to go back 3 months later.  I also had anger problems while I went in and out of institutions until I spiraled into a deep depression. tried to OD, I tried jumping, I tried suffocation, cutting off my arteries to bleed out. Through all this time, however, I became more and more distant from my family, until finally, one night, I got out of control. I was physically abusive to my brother and dad, and I cut my wrists until they flowed a red river. I was arrested for different misdemeanors that were required. I went to Atlanta’s biggest Juvinile Detention center. I was their for 2 months. After that, the state had control of me, and moved me to different places, while still I was cutting and attempting suicide. I was admitted to two long term facilities, and together in both I was there for about a whole year. After several failures at different foster homes, I was sent to a group home, in which I am now. I have not had a suicide attempt in over a year now, so I joined this site to help others realize that life is really worth it, no matter what happens or what happened in the past. If you have a hard situation, there will always be a better situation or outcome.