I’m 23 years old.
In two week I’m getting kicked out of college. I allowed my depression to take over my life to the point where I couldn’t get out of bed for class, I would sleep for days and not do my homework. Now, after months on probation, I’m actually getting kicked out.
I have no where to go. I can’t bear the thought of telling my family that I was so stupid I got kicked out.
My entire identity and life is tied up in going to school (for math). This is all I’ve ever envisioned in my life. I don’t know what else to do with my life other than learn. I feel like this proves that I’m worthless and stupid, and not smart. I feel like such a colossal failure.
Right now I feel like I’m at the edge of a very large canyon. I feel like there’s this big empty void of space that is my life without school. Without my IDENTITY for the past 5 years. What am i? If not smart?
I can’t face everyone at home. Face the “i told you sos” and the stares and shame and guilt over failing.
I dont know what to do. I see nothing, nothing in my future at all. I’m tired of feeling like my life is one big failure. Maybe I’m one of those ordinary people that live miserable lives and die miserable and no one notices and no one cares.
I can’t stand this, and I don’t see a way out.
9 comments
if you can actually do math for 5 yrs i think u r smart. It wasn’t stupidity that made u not do ur homework, it was the depression. You need to get help, get back on your feet. this must be a terrible time for you and I understand your identity is tied to being a math student but that is not all, it is much more than that. When you are in school it seems like school is your entire life, but life is much more than a degree, however u don’t want to waste all that hard work. Is there a way u can get back to school after getting help with your depression? And what has caused your depression?
U r not worthless and u r not stupid, pls stop telling yourself that it doesn’t help.
I left school 2 times and i fell into deepest depression, i thought that this is it, its my end and i cant stand up again. But i came out of it, i started to take medicine, went to psychologist and i understood that i have been in depression for last 6 years and it has been eating my inside. When i accepted the truth i could build up myself and how not to make those mistakes what i made before and now after 6 months of treatment i have achieved more than my whole life before! Go to a psychologist, let the professional help you and you can be someone who accepts the mistakes what you have made in past and a successful person!
sara23,
sounds like you need some meds a lot of people have done the same thing.
Sara, you’re not stupid. It’s just that you find yourself enveloped in depression. I agree with getting help – meds/anti-depressants and a psychotherapist. The body and mind are one, so if your body is not feeling well, your mind won’t feel well either. With regards to your studies, you can talk to the chancellor, and explain to him why you’re flunking the course. I bet he’ll understand. You could get a reprieve. Please act now. *Love*
I’m Korean, and koreans usually go to academies to learn math, english etc.
I think you are way better than us. Because we go to places to learn those subjects and some of us can’t even get to colleges. This is mad right? So they sometimes kill themselves. That’s one of the reasons why Korean’s suicidal rates are high.
And your family. I can’t say that I’m a courageous girl, but family is the only one who knows you the best. And I bet you can find what you are good at or what you like. You are only 23! It’s not late! If you want more courageous words contact me. sarah502@naver.com is my email address. Oh, by the way, I don’t just say this to make you fell better. I really mean it. I’m not really good at lying.
When you wrote “My entire identity and life is tied up in going to school (for math). This is all I’ve ever envisioned in my life. I don’t know what else to do with my life other than learn” and “I can’t face everyone at home. Face the “i told you sos†and the stares and shame and guilt over failing”, I almost thought that this is my post, that I forgot about writing. I’m facing almost the exact same situation (except for the math part). In fact, I will have to tell it to my family in the next few days, maximum, a week. And I’m so alone in all this. If you want to talk to someone who actually really feels what you mean, you can write at “Yoorek_TheBest@interia.pl”
Hi sara. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re suffering so badly from depression and that you got kicked out of college. But don’t worry, your life isn’t over. You have to sit down and tell your parents about what happened, so that you can move on. You need help dealing with your depression. You can always retake the math courses at a later date when you’re ready to learn again.
This is me…not yet kickd out though.but my course advicer thinks my ass would be hauled out of school after this session.he seemed so cool about it.like it would give him some sort of happiness to see withdrawal in front of my name
This is me…not yet kickd out though.but my course advicer thinks my ass would be hauled out of school after this session.he seemed so cool about it.like it would give him some sort of happiness to see withdrawal in front of my name..there are things that could make you feel better in times like this.read the bible and try to pray to an extent when the faith in you comes back alive..i promise you.you may smile tomorrow