I’m 23 years old.
In two week I’m getting kicked out of college. I allowed my depression to take over my life to the point where I couldn’t get out of bed for class, I would sleep for days and not do my homework. Now, after months on probation, I’m actually getting kicked out.
I have no where to go. I can’t bear the thought of telling my family that I was so stupid I got kicked out.
My entire identity and life is tied up in going to school (for math). This is all I’ve ever envisioned in my life. I don’t know what else to do with my life other than learn. I feel like this proves that I’m worthless and stupid, and not smart. I feel like such a colossal failure.
Right now I feel like I’m at the edge of a very large canyon. I feel like there’s this big empty void of space that is my life without school. Without my IDENTITY for the past 5 years. What am i? If not smart?
I can’t face everyone at home. Face the “i told you sos” and the stares and shame and guilt over failing.
I dont know what to do. I see nothing, nothing in my future at all. I’m tired of feeling like my life is one big failure. Maybe I’m one of those ordinary people that live miserable lives and die miserable and no one notices and no one cares.
I can’t stand this, and I don’t see a way out.