I’ve been planning to commit suicide for more than a decade. Life is meaningless to me. I have no interest in doing anything. Why we need to live if we all will die one day eventually.
I’ve told my best friends and parents about my thoughts many times, the only thing that keeps me alive is that I don’t want to hurt my parents. However, this makes me feel more depressed and at one point I thought I should wait till they left before I could end my own life, but I’ve no idea how long I can wait.
I’m a spoiled kid, I got whatever I wanted and have many friends around me, even though they won’t be here all the time whenever I need someone to talk to, I don’t blame them because I love them.
My heart is like two glasses, one is for happiness and the other one is for sadness. The first one got a hole at the bottom, no matter how much water I filled, it keeps leaking and completely empty. The other one, not to say, I’m looking for more glasses to help its job.
2 comments
Hi. I’m sorry to heat that you’re suffering so much. It sounds like you’re really struggling with depression, though at least you have loving parents and good friends to talk to. Some people here don’t even have that. Is there something in particular that is making you sad?
Hi Dave_N, there are many things that friends couldn’t help. Most of my friends have a positive mind, they will listen to me but I can tell they don’t really understand my negative thoughts, after I talked to them, I felt so guilty because I probably let them worry about me. I was pretending I enjoyed being their company, but when the parties over, I was totally despair.
I know I’m so lucky as I can use my eyes to see, use my ears to hear and walk on my own life compared to those who are blind, deaf and disable, but when I get to know them more, they are more happy than me and use all their efforts to enjoy life. People always say “if you have the courage to die you should have the courage to live.” I will give fully support to those who want to live but I’m still looking for the way out myself.