Yes, that’s what my mother struggled to rub in me yesterday. All because I left my university without her goddamn permission in the midterm. I found a job, she wouldn’t let me work. She claims that I’m living in a kind of faitytale. She wants me to study, study, study… I’m so sick of it. I’m in for a fuckload of problems now. She is running out of money. I am running out of patience. Having to wait for another half-year to be able to work in the summer and pick up the fucking money I need to buy a gun. If I make a mistake, I’ll spend the rest of my life in a mental facility. Gosh, this is just hideous. This is so much for me. And will be even harder now that she won’t let me out of her sight any more.
So yesterday I was a kid, today I don’t know who I am. I am 20 now. But who gives a shit? Stupid question. It seems like I never had a birthday worse than this. She gives me a bottle of expensive champagne in the morning as a birthday present and says I should drink it. I say, how the fuck could this help? and she calls me baby. Definitely, I am.
Now here I am looking for distraction. I want to forget today’s my birthday but they won’t let me. All my relatives will come to taunt me shortly in the day. I don’t know what to do. Why do people choose to be so bad? Don’t they see they’re making others suffer? There is no explanation. I just have to come to grips with it.