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What is wrong with me?

by PokeMorgan

Hey there,

I’ve been at a low point for many years (and since I’m 17 that’s a lot)

I was heavily bullied, I had suffered home abuse and loss, I self harmed, my grades were dropping drastically. I had a trunk load of self hate, saw no way out.

I attempted on January 2012, I failed, obviously. Though things looked up, the day out of hospital I found a new girlfriend.

5 months later, I ruin things, she can’t deal with my problems. She leaves me after I have a mental breakdown. Weeks later she sleeps with my Friend/Brother. I survive these next few months, barely.

Now 7 months after that, I give no shits for my ex, I have a new, lovely girlfriend, Best friends I could get, no family issues, no bullying, not so much school issues. Booked a holiday in Benidorm this summer.

Yet still, I fantasize about suicide, I wish for nothing more than to be buried six feet under.

I have dealt with much more than this, why can I not be happy?

I don’t even feel any better. Kill me.

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2 comments

freezinginfire 1/22/2013 - 12:53 am

Please be happy, you’ve made it through all that! Have you considered getting depression medicine? You seem to have successful relationships even if some have ended badly, live your life and be happy with yourself. If not for yourself for her.

PokeMorgan 1/22/2013 - 1:02 am

I honestly wish I could, and I disagree with the medicine, and I tried a therapist after January, and it wasn’t that successful, I was an asshole, I ruined it and she hates me. I won’t forgive myself for what I did to her. I can’t trust myself to get too attached to my present girlfriend, I’ll just hurt her, and hurt myself.

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