Hi – I’m a 22 year old girl, and I have had the luck to find someone who is the perfect match for me. If something like a “soulmate” exists, then I found mine, the love of my life. However, over 4 months ago I lost him to amnesia….he’s a soldier and he experienced a very bad psychic trauma, since that he forgot nearly everything about his past and his life. Of course, I was gone too. Over the months some of his memories came back, but nothing about me…I only saw him twice in this condition, and the last time was over 2 months ago. It’s killing me and it makes me angry that he doesn’t give a crap about me. He never has time for me, he’s not searching the conversation at all, all I get is 2 minutes a month where he tells me on the phone why he doesn’t have time, cause he’s doing this and doing that, blablabla….
Since I found out about his amnesia I just feel lost and want to die, and it gets worse every day….the worst part is that he doesn’t understand my pain, though I told him several times what a beautiful and fun relationship we had, and that I can’t live without him. He just doesn’t understand, it’s like talking to a robot, he has no feelings at all. I only have one semester left at my university, after that I’m moving to an other country and will likely never see him again. The past couple of weeks I just got worse, I lost interest in everything, don’t care about anything. I wish I was lying dead in the ground, because then I wouldn’t feel this pain. It’s too much to cope with, but I can’t talk to anyone about this. Even my family doesn’t know. But that doesn’t matter, because talking to someone wouldn’t change a thing.
The fact is I can’t live without him, but I can’t live with him either, because he’s not the person I knew anymore…It breaks my heart to know that there is a good chance he’ll stay this way and will never remember me. And this thought just makes me want to die….I wish I’ve already done it, or would do it. I want to do it, but I’m a coward, and no matter how much I try to kill it, there is still this stupid needless hope, that says what if…what if he can get better. But this is stupid, I don’t actually believe that he can be the person he was again. It will never be the same, and at this point my life has lost all meaning….
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
2 comments
I been through the loss of a “soul-mate” although the circumstances for me where different. I still experienced the person I love look at me with empty eyes he was just a shell of the guy I once loved. I eventually had enough of the bs with him and broke up with him, I felt like my life was over and nothing mattered or had meaning. I cried myself to the point where i was physically sick, all of which continued for a little over half a year. I got better day by day but it was the hardest thing I had to endure. I hated sleeping because I would dream of him and wake up to a reality that I didn’t want to accept. I had to give myself a pep talk multiple times a day to stay a float. Sad thing is i wish sometimes that he would have forgotten about me. I let him go and moved on with my life but as fate had it we ran into each other and he emailed me that night apologizing about everything. I believed him forgave him and gave him a second chance and its like its happening all over again. But this time I know whats in store for me but after the first time i doubt i can make it through it again. I know what it feels like to loose the one person on this earth that you feel connected to on a level that hasn’t ever happened with anyone else. But if you love someone then you gotta let them go not just for them and their happiness but for you and so you won’t continue to suffer. I know that you’ll find your way it will be slow and painful but you will make it through.
:/ Amnesia is a terrible thing that can happen to anyone and I fell bad for you,you have to suffer for this,when the only person in my family that wasn’t annoying selfish or alcoholic died I tough I would have lost myself but what I did was think of the good times,once I forgave and forgot and I wish I hadn’t and I regret doing that,please keep your hopes up,maybe things will turn for the better and you will find another man or he can get his memories back! You have to keep all hopes alive,friend. I hope the best for you!