How to get rid of the fear? via I need to man up.

I’ve been trying get the balls to commit suicide but there are so many things I am scared of before, during and after death.

For example:

-the pain

-grief of parents and family

-will it work?

-where i will go after?

My problems:  (I don’t know why I’m telling you this) what can i say? I’m an attention-seeking fuckface.

-I’m fat and no muscle, only tall.

-bad childhood- divorce, no game with women, abused.

-Hatred towards women and have never had a real connection with a woman(hate mother, HATE)

-I’m broke, 18 years old but dad has no job and mom is a ***** about her money(she’s filthy rich)

-Overall, just tired of people telling me what i should or shouldn’t do. Advice, suggestions and commands only make things worse. I have extreme anger problems in general. My mom is a controlling ***** and all my brother/dad try to do is fucking give me BS advice. I can’t play sports worth a shit because of my laziness, flat feet, bad lungs and lack of physical strength. Some of these can be fixed but whats the point? More problems would come up.

The one thing that pisses me off more than anything is that everybody is so damn happy all the time, particularly women. Always laughing and smiling. Why can’t I be like that more often? Why can’t I have more real friends? Why can’t I be loved by a woman? Why can’t I love myself, if anything? It’s because it is my fate. Things only get worse- Shawn

Anyone have any suggestions on how to avoid or limit the fear factor? (besides not committing suicide)

I’m looking for theories or ways to kill myself without anyone knowing and painlessly?

Don’t try to dissuade me.

-Thanks