I’m a Mess

Hi, you can call me PeanutButter27. My state has been worsening, and I have been staying away from mostly everybody. I can’t read anymore, because it makes me sad. I don’t know why. I am a compulsive overeater. If you don’t understand picture this: I eat when I’m depressed, and I’m depressed because I’m fat. I’m not only depressed because of my eating disorders. When I was 4, my parents divorced. My mom and I have been living in a tiny apartment for 3 years now. At school, I don’t eat my samwiches because I am so mad at myself from binging the other night. Sometimes I scratch myself with my nails to make sure I haven’t died yet, even though I feel dead. The thing that gets me the most is the rumors at school. If I talk to a boy for more than 5 minutes, even about a video game, people stay away from me. I usually don’t mind, because I try to stay away from people, but when I’m avoided in public, it gets really embaressing. I have also had 3 emotional break-downs at school. Only my 3 or 4 close friends know. My mom doesn’t know that I am having break-downs, or that I have thoughts that no “normal” girl should have. Thoughts about killing myself, I even decided how I will do it. I have also had thoughts about going insane, and I enjoy those thoughts. I truly do want to go insane, and be alone from everybody. What keeps me from killing myself for now, is how much the knife will hurt. My friends probably think I’m insane, going days without eating, then binging. I can’t really talk to anyone but my friends, because my mom will find out. Some people think it might be crazy, but I am 11. I am seeking help as I gather the courage to tell my family.