My depression is getting bad again and I want to die. I have severe social anxiety so i have no one to talk to. I can’t go to school because I am so depressed. I literally cannot even leave my bed. When I miss a week of school none of my classmates notice that i was ever gone. No one acknowledges my existance now, but i can almost guarentee that if i killed myself, the people at my school would act like its so tragic and “i was such a beautiful person.” i hate society, i hate people and i want to die. Today my own father told me that  i need to go to a mental institution because i’m fucked up in the head apparently. I think he’s right, but at least people would care for me and help me at a mental hospital, unlike this hellhole i’m living in. I’m about to take a bunch of pills because i dont think i can put up with life anymore
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
7 comments
I know how it feels to be an outsider, and I’ve skipped school more than my fair share of times just because i didn’t feel like seeing my classmates. It definitely didn’t do anything to improve my grades. I also wouldn’t recommend the pills, tried some myself once and woke up almost 24 hours later feeling awful, but alive. Then again, what the hell do I know? I’m just another person with access to a computer wishing I was dead.
Maybe you should try the hospital first, but if not please leave a suicide note telling your classmates not to pretend they cared about you because that always pisses me off.
If it helps you relate, my dad told me I was going to hell today. I was also texted it recently anonymously.
hey i was the same way in school, the only advise I can give you is well none. Never go on anti depressants try weed I have sever social anxiety and depression. It makes me happy I don’t feel bad being alone and I just say fuck the world. I still want to kill myself but at least I get some happiness out of life some times. I have tried all the hospitals pills and none of them worked like weed dose. Dope is dope dude and that’s all they will pump into you at the hospital.
Pills don’t work been there done that you think they talk you down now its even worse when you can’t even succeed in killing yourself. I od’d on pills and vodka and I was dead but my brother came home 3 minutes after I actually died and I woke up 2 days later in the hospital. Next I tried something a little more inconspicuous, but to look more like a natural death rather tba. Suicide so at least no one could look down on me. I got potassium chloride salt and ate it by the mouthful and swallowed it with soda. It’s the most bitter and fowl taste you can imagine but it did the trick. I felt sick to my stomach for a few minutes and when I felt like I was going to vomit it all back up I got off the couch to go to the trash can and as soon as I stood up I got light headed and passed out and went into cardiac arrest. Had I not fallen to the ground and made such a loud crash no one upstairs would have made it down to know and it would’ve been too late. My theory was correct, no self infliction was suspected they actually thought I messed myself up from the pill attempt 2 years earlier and that some of my organs were shutting down or damaged. So now my final attempt is going to be a nice nature walk on my own, with a picture of the girl I love more than anything in this entire world, whom I ran out of my life because I was too blind to see how much she really cared for me, one final good song, my favorite memories of us in my head, and a sawed off 12 gauge from which I will take a point blank shot to the heart. I know its not my head so I may not die instantly, but I deserve to suffer for all of the pain and agony and stress I have caused the ones I cared about and was too naive to show them my appreciation and acknowledgement. espite all the chances and times they showed me and never gave up on me, and because my heart belongs to her. No one else. And it never will. So I’m taking myself to the grave with her being the only love in my heart.
Hi Elora,
I have terrible social anxiety too. I also have a father that absolutely despises me, and a mother who told me whenever I cried “you’re not right in the head, I’m going to get them to take you away” – a local phrase for “commit you to a mental hospital for the rest of your life.”
But I am a couple of years older than you, so I can tell you honestly that all this does get easier.
School is horrible. I’m sure your school mates are horrible too. I absolutely agree that they would enjoy wallowing in the emotional termoil of your death. They’d all want to be the crying face in the newspaper saying “I loved her so much”, and they’d all claim to want counselling and support as a faint guise for attention seeking. But this is what they are. What I will say though, is I think they do notice when you’re not there, they’re just too awkward and embarrassed to know how to say “where were you last week?”.
The good thing is, and I promise you this, school doesn’t last forever. It sure feels like it does, but it doesn’t. Just like your time stuck around your dumb father won’t last forever either. All this will naturally end, without you having to end it. And it gets better.
Yes I still have depression and social anxiety, but you get to choose how your life works. I pretty much hate people, so I work in a creative job where I only have email contact with my clients. I’ve not spoken to my father since the day I left school – he’s now becoming old, frail and lonely and a REALLY don’t give a damn. I do have a relationship with my mother, but it’s based on the fact I mentally block out everything she says. The few people who I’ve bumped into from school I’ve completely blanked (funny how they want to talk to me now I’m reasonably successful).
I truly hope you didn’t take those pills. They would have been a poor answer to your situation. Your situation is horrible, but it WILL change.
I don’t know where you live or what your local services are like, but my suggestion to you today is to let your mind wander. Whether it’s a short walk to a local park or hours spent on the internet. Give something new the chance to come into your life. A new idea, a new direction or a new passion, doesn’t matter what.
You don’t need suicide, I promise. You need a distraction. A very small candle in your darkness.
Please tell us you’re still here. x
Thanks for the responses everyone. I’m still here, although I did get dragged off to the emergency room today. I have so many health issues and I’m sick of being miserable all the time. My parents are always making me feel guilty about the doctor’s bills and stuff. It would be convenient for everyone if I were gone, but I guess I have a couple of good things to live for so I guess I will try to get better..
I’d just shoot myself in the head and get over and done with… But seriously you don’t have to punish yourself for other peopple’s problems. Your life is yours, and if you want to fix it, why punish yourself anyway? I agree with wanting to die and all that, just don’t punish yourself while you’re at it!