The thing is, my name actually isn’t lynne. It’s a mask I wear, like something out of a drama or a play. I’m not Lynne, but I like her better than me. She’s more fun, more everything. She’s the one who wrestles in the hallway with her friends like she doesn’t even care. She’s the one who says it’s awesome or “yeah, let’s do this” She’s the one everbody else wants me to be. She’s the one I want to be. But I’m NOT her. I’m just me. But sometimes, that doesn’t feel like it’s enough. It’s so hard, pretending to be her. So how do I make her me?
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then who are you?
It seems you and I have similarities in our problems – lack of truthful identity. I wish I could offer you helpful advice, but I’m right there with you. It’s nice knowing we’re not alone in this.
My gut reaction is to try to slowly start showing people who we really are. If they stop liking us or no longer want to be around us, then let them leave – it means they didn’t like the person who we believe (individually) we truly are. I actually started going by my middle name instead of my last name just to remember that I’m trying to change my publicly expressed personality.
It may get hard if we see multiple people in our lives leaving, but it’s important to remember it’s good they see the change in you, and if they aren’t in agreeance with it, then you are better off without them – especially if you are being the person you believe you really are and not living your life based on their expectations.
Remember – we are perishable beings – our time here is finite, we should live our lives our way, not by the way of others.
youll lose many friends when you do that, but youll keep the true ones. i dont know how you do that… maybe by doing what you feel and not by pretending you feel what you actually dont?
I know exactly how you feel…
Confrontation – Don’t run away.
You bring up the question, of how it is that we actually experience ourselves.
Are we our ego, are we our personas (daughter, student, friend, woman) are we mind body, sprite?
Studies show that most people have a tendency to identify the self with a single persona. Personas are meant to help us navigate are world however we are more than the sum of our parts.
The reality is everything you describe is already a part of you but they are not the You they are not the Self.
I have read a great deal about people who have asked this very question.
Jung for instance takes about his early awareness of having two personalities and that this experience is played out in every individual.
We act and we observer ourselves acting. Which is the self the actor or observer?
We can see and touch a tree, the tree is an objective experience.
When I think about a tree and what it means it is subjective experience.
The objective self is bound by time and space where the subjective is not. For the subjective self the past, present, future happens all at once.
Which experience contains the greater truth?
Do I relate more to this outer self or inner self?
Depending on your nurture/nature the answer will be different and so your sense of self.
Are you the person that wrestles in the hallway – yes.
Are you the person that observes yourself wrestling and feels disconnect from it – yes.
Should you be concerned – no.
Discovering who we are is a life’s work. More than the sum of your parts you will always and never be Lynne.
But the thing is, I WANT to BE Lynne… She’s the one who does those awesome things. The one who doesn’t get tongue-twisted, the one who can be sarcastic and playful and flirtatious. Then there’s me. I’m none of that. I can’t talk to anybody. I can’t even say a simple thank-you to ANY of my peers. Someone picks up my pencil that i dropped and I just take it and nod my head. I can’t speak, can’t say anything. And when I do manage to force my mouth to work, it’s something stupid and wrong. But Lynne… She can just say things and make jokes and flirt and smile and laugh. Everything is just easy for her…