We must answer the plea

Those of us who feel reprieve from the depths of hell need to step up.  This is my first attempt at following any type of Suicide Blog and had absolutely NO idea that people post as they are fading away.  I was usually too intoxicated and incoherent to do anything other than scream and yell into a phone at the few people who would still pick up the phone.

I am reading right now that people are in the throws of taking their lives as we breath at this moment.  They are taking pills or trying to hang themselves yet still have the where with all to log onto this site pleading for help.  I just read two such posts and I am flabergasted at the fact that we are here, right here yet we can not reach out to them and hug them and hold them and help them through their pain.  We know they will not go to the people around them for help, if they could they already would.

I have survived.  There is no rhyme or reason why I survived two of them, however I am still here and I have to start to even deal with those attempts because I feel as though they are not mine, that they are a story I saw in a movie.  It has been 22 months since I woke up in ICU having just been taken off life support.  This was my latest and hopefully……….no.  This WILL be the last.  Something has shifted in me.  This is the shift no one believes can possibly happen to them.  I am one.  I am 46 years old and after 35 years of BiPolar and alcoholism I have hope today.

Nobody in peril wants to hear this.  I was one who would balk at these people and secretly feel jelousy and contempt “why doesn’t this happen to me?”.  Well, it finally did.  Finding some type of belief or purpose is life is the key.  I am not perfect.  I still drink and partake but the shift is real.  I have no idea if or when I will ever change these habits but I don’t stress any more over these flaws because I accept myself as who I am today.

This blog is an avenue for hope, please find it this way.  If you are in peril, post before you actually due the act.  Someone may be here in time for you to talk to.  Call a hotline for someone to talk to.  Call anyone you feel will help you off the ledge.  We are all out here.  I had NO idea so many people felt as I do and did.  Just hang on until the urge passes….please.