Hi, I dont know who to talk to or who to open up to because my pain is my pain. And no one can ease that pain. I sit here and I think that the people that said they love me or care for me but where are they now. It’s true, I’m going to be alone and no one to cry to or tell me we are going to get through this together. W hy have these men come into my life and took that one thing I CHERISHED. Therevare times whereby I just want to find that one blade that will end my life because then it will end the suffering but I look at my family and I know that I have to live for them. I hate my face and hate me for what I have become weak when I look into the mirror.No relationship,no brain,no happiness and these points summarise that I DON’T NEED TO LIVE MY LIFE ANYMORE. I remeber all the bad things done to me and said and I know that I deserve it every bad thing in my life since I was a little girl. I have been taken advantage from men and still now but with my own consent. Most people must think I’m mad but I’m lost and empty with no one ot weep my tears away from me. I feel like I need to be pt to rest and go to bed and into a deep sleep because I DONT WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE and mine time is up to go and I WANT TO GO BECAUSE I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO LOVE,JUST HURT AND TO BE LOVED. this life isn’t for me and the sooner I realise the better. Words have wounded me and physical abuse has wounded me but I put on my mask and try and get on with another day. My days are over and I thank you for letting me see such a evil world. Look after the people that love me and care for me and look after my family and friends. I need to disappear with no one knowing and im sorry and I dont want no one to wear black at my funeral,life has shown me every man for themselves and im going to think of myself and end my life. Men have been the problem in my life,I seek comfort,affection and love whereby it turns into disgust,pain,humiltation and bringing me down feeling worthless and out of my control to do something.
Â Im broken