I need to try to hang myself again this year.

Ive had a vedy fucked up two years.. i already prepare for death.. i sled off the road lastnight.. and for 5 seconds i just new i was going to hit a tree and die.. my point is.. i wasnt scared.. i was ready and hoping.. when i relised after hydroplaning at 80 miles an hour sideways then in to a large field.. it being dark i couldnt see anything.. then sliding at about 60 miles an hour into the grassy side median.. im very suprised i only had 3 flat tires.. i landed 3 feet from the tree sideline.. damn how i wish in thoes 5 seconds i would have hit a tree and died. lastnight. the past two years have been just like lastnight.. and you and me both know we can just suicide and die.. but suicide is not that easy… on top of this shit i just got my florida licence back after paying 1500 in speeding tickits for a year.. i get pulled over… hey but guess what. i chose to be living today.. i was supost to die in january but still have unfinished business. when i die.. my ex will get all my stuff cuz thats how i want it.. anyways after going through this shit… it just reinforces my plan for suicide.. tobad god didnt kill me lastnight.. still waitin for him too so it will be unexpected and most of all peace at death.. i believe this happens cuz i curse god all the time.. and i dont know how to not curse him as i need to relese my stress and sex only helps half way… on the other hand.. i dont mind getting hiv.. infact i need to get tested but just saying thats an option.. i hate a fake maker. god