I dont belong here

I hurt her already. Tore her heart apart, the only girl i really love. I did it again. Why did i do this again to her? No, i didnt hit her, i didnt emotionally abuse her. id never do thet to a girl. im too much of a southern gentleman. but i brike up with her a second time time. i thought it was a good idea, thought we didnt work out. now this bottle cant kill the pain of knowing iv dont this. i want her back. i miss my country girl. shes what makes my life worth living. if i come crawling back again, will she take me? be the angel i dont deserve? shed be stupid to. i dont deserve her. im a grade a fuck up. i screw everything good im given. i hurt everyone. dissappoint everyone. they dont deserve that. i dont deserve the warm embrace of death. im not as strong as most people. i cant even pull the trigger. i wish i had the strength…