i no longer see the light

I have been on medication (viibryd) for 6 weeks.  doc says it will help.  He also gave me clonopin for anxiety at work.  I am 42 divorced, no kids, just a great dog who was thrown from a car window and i rescued him.  I will not committ suicide and leave my dog.  no one would care if i die, i come from a “traditional italian family” your not supposed to have depression, you are supposed to “snap out of it and smile” well i cant.  and lord knows i’ve tried and tried and tried.  I feel now that since i’ve been with this job almost 15 years i have to finish out tax season but i want to die every day, but as i said, i wont leave my dog and i havent figured out a way to end his life without hurting him, he is old and suffering with some ailments so i would be giving him “life” again.  I have written out my “letters” explaining to “everyone” not to be one of those “suicide suriviors” who cant go on.  MY parents dont give a crap – dad only cares about the money i give him and i think my mom cares a bit more but her loyalty is to her husband and it always will.  they will probably be more upset about how to tell everyone i’m dead – because i shouldnt “shame” the family name.  My 2 brothers dont care, they will just hope my parents dont ask them for money to pay for a funeral.  I have decided exactly how i’ll do it – maybe pills, but my family doesnt give a shit and this job is what is really getting to me.  a boss who constantly makes me feel bad so he can make his kids who basically do nothing all day look good.  i have talked and talked and talked to doctors, etc. their advice is to find another job  well hello im in NY jobs hard to come by (just like everywhere else), but if the meds do help more, maybe i will survive till the 15 then resign and get another job.  i just wonder what there really is to live for.  i have a sick cousin, 40 with huntington’s disease – i see him weekly and they have just put a feeding tube in him – there is no cure the disease is horrible, how could i end my life when he’s fighting to live every day….. thanks everyone for listening.  However, every day i feel more and more like everyone would be happy if i wasnt around anymore.  i used to be “happy” now i’m so sad i cant stop crying…. so much more to write but this was my first post.  I wish you all strength and love and whatever will help you escape the pain we are all suffering.