i want to kill my emotions

Emotional pain, like physical injury can heal eventually. It’s always difficult to see beyond that. Sometimes it lasts longer than people expect or it intermittently recurs. It can be treated with kindness, medication, the passage of time and alcohol in addition to anything else that helps. In the vast majority of cases people make a complete recovery. If it’s more serious, they can find other ways to cope. There’s always something that can be done.