My First Post.

I’ve just accepted that I will never be the same, not that I was ever right to begin with. I know everyone feels like that. I know this will change. I know everyone is very “sympathetic”. I also know, none of this changes how I feel. It doesn’t make me feel better that everyone else feels like shit too- it makes me feel hopeless. It doesn’t make me feel better that you think this will change- it’s been eight years so excuse me if I’m not trusting your psychic powers to foresee my future. I know you care and “are there” for me- well of course you’re there- do you think you’re somewhere else?- maybe you’re the one that needs the help.

I know I’m being a sarcastic jerk. I’m being an ungrateful nitwit towards people that just want to help. I’m sorry.

I just don’t don’t want to live anymore. I’m so tired of it. I know that it gets better, but truthfully I don’t envy your life either. Even if I was happy, I would be happy in a world of asshole people going about their asshole business like a bunch of assholes.

It seems like everyone in life is just competing in this little game- for what?! To get that extra pat on the back when you get to the pearly gates?

And that’s looking at the positive side. You can spend you’re whole life competing for what? To be in the best coffin on the block? To be the grayest dust of all the cremated bodies? I’m tired of the game. I lose. I don’t care.

Scratch that it’s not that I don’t care that I lose- it’s that I don’t really care about winning.