my personality doesnt belong where it is today. (sorry pointlessish rant)

if u were to meet me in person without knowing my past. You would not think at all that im depressed..i always look so full of joy and happy loving life..im the one that looks like i have everything i need. i have a shit load of friends but only 2 i cant talk to about whats really going on.

when im actually left alone from my family my whole world glows. im in the best mood ever i have my music blasting texting friends attempting to make plans to hang out. im always trying to have a good time no matter what.

its my family that ruins everything. the way they put me down im not good enough im too fat im stupid unpopular a waste of space..all that effects me slowly but when it builds up i burst and thats when a depression wave hits me..hard. where all i wanna do is cease to exist.

however when things calm down, all i wanna do is just hurry the fuck up and get away so i can stay the way i truly am.

ok so heres a long list of the recent things ive been criticized for by my family:

my hair looks stupid all the time (pushed to one side, highest fucking ponytail possible, curly, straight, unbrushed, brushed, pretty much i think theyd be happy if i just cut off my hair:/)

i dress like a slut

my make up is too dark

i text too much

i isolate myself too much

im weird

i have too many secrets (duhh the shit i do id be killed if my family found out)

im bitchy

im fat

i have too much attention from guys

i swear too much

i listen to rap music

i like dupstep

because i hate my body my parents say its cuz i eat way to much (***** please i only eat once a day)

i need to commit suicide to make them happy

if my family doesnt wanna do something its automatically my responsibility

ok so thats enough but really?

i cant keep a fucking relationship stable cuz either i date extremely suicidal people or im just really fucked up at some points.

MY PERSONALITY DOESNT BELONG IN MY BODY! IT NEEDS OUT SO FUCKING BADLY. i dont wanna be happy and then have someone fuck it up..

whats pissed me off now..

my days in constant motion my break doesnt come til everyone goes to bed..well i at least need sleep for that BUT i dont wanna miss out on the only time i have to myself i will be forced to get up in 4 hrs.
-_- fuck my life. xDx im so tired. night sp people.