I’m running out of options. My last hope, before suicide becomes the best choice, is to drop out of college for a while and move away. I just need to live, on my own terms, or not live at all. I mean, I don’t know why we bother with this college, marriage, children bullshit. It’s a trap. This world is so damn big. There is so much more to experience than most people ever do. That’s the point. To experience. I’m absolutely done with this not living crap. If i’m going to stick it out here for any longer, I’ve got to get out of […]
March 2013
My hearts broken. false hope.
I wrote a post yesterday called ‘What am I waiting for?’ (http://suicideproject.org/2013/03/what-am-i-waiting-for-2/) and I now know why. Obvious to say, but I’m scared. I’m scared because I know that to truly end my life will be the most traumatising thing I will ever have been through – I know that sounds weird because surely I want to die so bad that it shouldn’t matter? Well it does matter and I really, truly do want to die, but there’s no easy way out. There is no way I can get hold of a gun or fatal load of pills – which, to me, would make it […]
Hi everyone.
In me, we have that rare case when suicide is considered on purely rational grounds, without being affected by depression, any sort of life problem, nor personal relations’ tragedy. I came in here to share how it is so and to look for an rational advice about whether my conclusions are correct, and in (unlikely) case they are not, – then why it would be so (in detail), and what correct conlusions would be.
The title i gave to this message – “What for?” – is a rhetorical (for me, nowadays) question about life. What for do i have to keep living? What for do […]
Why do i still live? Why do i bother to keep breathing? Can’t i just die? Maybe i will just kill myself now then everyone will be happy and they don’t have to see my face again. That would be much better!! 🙁
sundays my birthday, im turning 16 and im not excited at all. im very depressed, i dont know what to do. i just want to die. i have nobody to talk to about how im really feeling. im tired of hiding all this. i need to open up to someone but i cant trust anybody. day by day i lose more and more friends. i think it might get to the point where i have no friends and then i would really have nobody. if i does come to that point i just might have to end my life and  i have my mom but i […]
what do you think about suicide by freezing? perhaps some alcohol and walking out into the forest in freezing temperatures. you think its painless?
It’s been tiring these past few weeks.. I can’t think anymore.. I just slouch and barely talk.. slouch and barely try anymore.. I just want to let out all of this crying but no matter how hard I try I can’t even seem to squeeze out a tear.. I always taste throw up in the back of my throat.. I can feel my veins on my temples from being stressed.. It’s too tiring.. to be human.. I hate being Human… Everyone saw my scars today while I changed and I was confronted by all of my classmates.. confronted and lectured… I’m too tired to do […]
I don’t quite understand why it feels so much easier to write about my problems then to say them out loud I suppose it’s like my thoughts are my own little secret I mean that’s what your mind is for right? A space where you can detach yourself from reality if only for a few moments and go somewhere.. be it a memory or completely make up.. But no amount of day dreaming will save me from myself, Let me start off by saying I am now 19 years old to be 20 in August and have suffered from clinical depression for 4 years, I […]
well i was in my first fight on tuesday with a girl named Doris i gave her 2 black eyes she gave me a scratch according to every1 i lost every1 hates me honestly i just want to go sit on the edge of a building :/ i lost my bestfriend becuz of the fight i lost my Girlfriend bcuz i told her dating a girl and a boy at the same time is concitered cheating she disagreed everyone hates me and usually the first person i call when i feel suicidal is my EX-bestfriend Jinn but i cant do that anymore i honestly……………. i […]
The pain is overwhelming
It has taken up my soul
All I ever think about is “will I lose controlâ€
The feeling of being lonely
The thoughts of pure despair
I think I am broken far beyond repair
The beast inside my head has grown considerably
Feeding me all these thoughts
Giving me false dreams
I don’t understand why this happens
I’m nearly ready to just give in
I want to give my soul to the and commit that final sin
I’m asked if everything’s alright
Of course I smile and lie
But whenever I’m alone I feel ready to die
I cover up my […]
You know that point where you’re on the edge of the cliff and any emotion you’ve ever had is racing through your body and you’re just ready to take the last leap? I think I’m past that. I think I’m falling, just waiting to hit the bottom. I say falling because I feel absolutely nothing. Literally numb. But I’m afraid one day my numbness will snap and I will hit the ground, hard.
Death, a lot of people live their whole life in fear of it. But what’s the point? Its a guaranteed. I don’t understand why people fear death. It’s said that when you die you will know every answer to every question, it makes me excited. I don’t fear death. It’s really not something that frightens me or chills my skin. I accept it. And I’ve even tried to attempt it. I think more or less, that people aren’t scared of death directly, but the pain that might be felt before it happens. That doesn’t scare me either. I’m so numb inside it would be nice […]
I hate this house. I hate Ottawa, I hate the whole damn province. I hate what this place has always stood for. Since I moved to this fucking urban wasteland all I’ve felt was angry, depressed and suicidal.
I hate what this house stands for too. In this house all that’s happened was me getting yelled at, me yelling back, me crying, and me being ignored. I hate the kitchen, this is where all the fights happen, this is where all the knives that I can never use are. I hate the living room, I spent an hour there yesterday being explained exactly how I’m nothing […]
I didn’t know I’d bleed so much from such small cuts. I’ve never bled this much from this spot.
I woke up this morning, crying after a nightmare where my fiance was murdered. I wish I didn’t have to get out of bed.
Last night, after I published that post saying that my boyfriend said he’d take care of me in my time of need….he confessed something to me: that he has been suicidal on and off since he was ten, and that he really needed to burn himself (his form of self-harm). I ended up getting pissed off that he was pulling this on a day(night) where I needed him more than usual.
Today, with a few bumps in the road, I tried my best […]
I am 37 with ADHD I Â I am over qualified but uncpder experienced for jobs _a fruitcake with no friends only a married man for company and I want to die every day of my shit life. Too intelligent to be happy with little as my sister a corporate lawyer earning millions and is pretty with husband and 2.4 kids I’m the reject genes and fail at everything – how can you kill yourself when you’ve Tories several times previously and jeep waking up the next day? Obviously have a guardian angel with a fucking sick sense of humour
I got invited to have dinner tomorrow with a really pretty girl and her friend. I hope it works out this time. Wish me luck!
Dave
Insecurity is a part of our lives. It’s what strikes the fear of rejection into us. Insecurity is something that drives us to perfect ourselves, so we can “fit in.” We’re scared of rejection and just want to be able to fit in. But… So many people, so many guys and girls alike are judged on their appearance, and personality. It hurts to get judged Rejection hurts, being an outcast because you’re not as pretty as someone you know.. It hurts. There is one thing you have to always remember though, you are perfect just the way you are, with every flaw you have. Anyone […]
i wish i could just run off the edge. just fly like a butterfly. I want to die. I want to die. but for real this time, i’m serious…so I have a knife, a rope, and a tall building…I’m not kidding. I’m dying, tired of living. the one person i care for is leaving, and they’re leaving me greiving. i’m done. so I’ll tie the noose, I’ll slip my head in, I’ll step up on the ledge, I’ll take the knife, I’ll stab my heart for the thousandth time, and I’ll fall, if the noose breaks i’ll fall…whatever happens…I’m sure i’ll die. I’m going to […]