i’ve just taken 10 aleves and i’m finishing up my note before i take any more. hopefully tonight will work
March 2013
The only thing really stopping me from ending my life is my father and the potential pain and sorrow he will feel. I’m trying to understand how a child’s death could be seen as such a tragedy in the eyes of parents. Yes, of course, the emotional aspesct of it; “Oh, my son/daughter is gone, ohh after all that time, ohh I’ll never see them again!” Hysterics aside, what do they lose? A child takes without saying thank you, the feel entitled to everything, they grow and leave, tossing the parents aside like nothing. This, to me, doesn’t seem right at all. How can something that has […]
I dont have much money but Ineed a nitrate pill or two. The ones they give you if the er things yor haveing a heart attack.. Its important. I Dont have insurance and I am super low… Anyone have a nitrate I could have or two to buy who may have some??? Thanks so much.
http://www.messagefrommasters.com/Shiva-Shakti/osho_on_committing_suicide.htm
I hate my life. This schoolyear was the worst. I went out with a girl who dumped me, went back with her ex-boyfriend, dumped him tried to get me back, went out with my best friend, had sex with my bestfriend, dumped him to go back with her ex-boyfriend again, had sex with him countless times, and recently tried to work things out with me again. I told her to fuck off and leave me alone you slut. And now that she doesnt have my attention shes trying again with her original ex-boyfriend. I feel so used and insecure about everything. I cant sleep, ive […]
So far can wounded walk alone
with tattered thoughts in air
and sharp pain on bare bone ,
yet they never seem to care
soft and muffled do they moan
their lives not so fair
shoes withered and merely there
in life’s sad unfit poem
(by me)
I have so much to say and have not the skills to express them. I want to leave but will I harm those who may love me?
My fiance left me last week , i’m sick,  I have no real friends, I have extreme fobias . I feel like im becoming a goraphobic I am afraid of cars and driving loud sounds give me panic attacks… I just dont know
life asked death “why is it that everyone loves me but hates you?” death replied saying “because you are the beautiful lie and i am the painful truth.”
personally i like death beter than life because i hate lies. and he’s more friendly to those who meat him.
I was starting to feel better and working on getting myself straight. But fuck it these people I call friends they dont care. Its funny its obvious im a drunken mess and struggling but no one seems to care. Why should I even bother to start a conversation about how I feel when its obvious they dont care. Humans are fucking sad pitiful creatures its all always me me me. I always give 100 percent of myself to people when they need, no matter how minimal there bullshit is. Well see idk how this weekend is going to unfold, but I really cant take much more shit. If I do it […]
I’m the biggest loser in the world.I don’t even get out of my room.I’m scared of people.I really have to kill myself.
I think my life is a cruel joke. Â I just want it all to end. Â Want the pain to go away. Â No one is around to hear me cry. Â No one cares. Â I get mad every time I take a breath. Â Wish I’d just die already.
I’m just not sure right now.. I don’t know what to do.. I’m just playing my endless role of sitting in front of a computer screen melting my eyes, laying in bed at night and crying myself to sleep, melting my brain at school and giving into the fake delusions of my mind, giving in so bad that I talk to myself. My chest heaves in and rattles hard when I breathe, thats what they say. Breathe, but breathing makes you not cry. breathing makes you feel worse.
Why cant I stop crying….
I managed to buy the barbiturates I need to kill myself. I’ve researched this a lot. You’ll see if you check my other comments.
You can only get them in places like the country I’m now in.
I just need to overcome that final hurdle and take them. I hope I manage it soon.
Life is like a psychotic, abusive partner. It’ll use any trick, any guilt trip, anything it can to stop you killing yourself. But killing myself is the only way I can escape the nightmare which is living.
I won’t leave this country alive.
I searched for a chat room just to talk to someone about killing myself. There doesn’t seem to be such a thing. I’m really not suicidal, I don’t want to kill myself, I just want to die. About 3 weeks ago I was with my dad when he died. It was the worst experience of my life, yet a beautiful one. He was almost 98 yrs. old and went very peacefully, at the end. And, it’s really brought back all my wishes for death. I was hospitalized once and diagnosed suicidal. But, I had no clear plan even then, I just wanted to die. My […]
Nobody knew that I wanted to die.
I laughed. I was in love. I had all the friends anybody could want.
But nobody knew that I was hurting like Hell. The thought that I was living that life that I’m living made me sick. Made me tired. Made me want to give up.
I tried killing myself. I took 20 50mg sleeping pills. But I’m still here. Woke up in a hospital with hospital food in front of me. I remeber it like it was yesterday. I took the pills. Smoked half a pack of cigarettes, and gave my goodbye notebook to my mother. She took me to […]
I woke up today. I didn’t want to, but I did.
I saw my old shrink today. Appointments are only thirty minutes long, but I think she went overtime for me. I told her about they anxiety I feel, the scratching, the journaling I do. She remembered the reason I came in two years ago, and said she knows of this treatment for PTSD/trauma, and she’ll tell me more next time. Next time is April 23, which is a bit too long for my taste….but that’s okay. Maybe I can last that long, if I try hard enough.
I also finally told my boyfriend about my suicidal […]
All of my interest is gone. I go to sleep every night hoping with everything I have left (which is not a lot) that I don’t wake up. When I do wake up, I get ready, go to school, fake the same smiles and talk to fake friends that will all stab me in the back eventually, go home, cut, maybe eat and then sleep and hope the same death wish. I just want to be done. I have nothing left to give. Everyone that I cared about left. I have no one. They’re all gone. I want to fall into an endless sleep. Actually […]
I came across this site today, thanks to Google. I really could use a friend, someone to listen. I have been through so much bad luck. I can’t help it, it’s who I am. I have been betrayed by the last 2 people I cared about. Used, lied to, and so much more. I think about dying every day. I don’t want to, I want to be happy. But the alternative is to feel this pain. I feel hopeless and useless. I am 30, I haven’t always felt like this. I once read that people like me can’t ever recover from this type of betrayal. […]
I posted this on SF yesterday but got no responses, so I’ll try here… I don’t have an eating disorder but it could appear that way, so TRIGGER WARNING.
For the past 18-19 years I’ve restricted, off and on. Mostly off, with only brief periods of decent weight loss. I’ve read about eating disorders and watched movies & videos… I know enough to know I don’t have one. I thought maybe I was EDNOS for a while, but after posting on another forum, a girl called me out on it and pointed out that because I said this-or-that, I really wasn’t… and I could see she […]
i hate everybody they should all just go die. People are selfish and they take you for granted.
***** please. we invited you. we were being kind to you. and then how do you thank us!. you fucking ***** back stab us.
i hope you have fun in hell cus thats where you’re going straight to.
For the past few days I thought my life was going to get better. All these wonderful things people tell me here are kind of smothered by the fact my home life has only gotten worse.
My family found these posts and are going to be sending me to a mental facility that is known for its patient abuse and I have no say -as I’ve been deemed unfit to live alone or make my own life choices thanks to my father. It’s all spiraling out of control and there’s no way to save myself. It’s all over and I’m too tired and beaten up to […]