this life and all of her perfection issues. the hair and plastic smile, are all things i can never conform to,
though that is the function of things, you fake happy, you are happy, you show your core, you’re shunned
this world can never hope to understand true pain, any sign of the stuff, and everyting turns upside down.
these manniquins walking down the street, i can not blend in with them. and they know. though they move not
they judge, and they seek out punishment for all those who stand out, until they are driven to do the unthinkable.
that is the function of […]
March 2013
im new on here… i need assurance that there is someone out there that actually cares…coz nothing make sense now…and im tired
I feel okay, every now and again, I try my hardest to be happy, and it works, every now and again-but for some reason after so long I just end up back here. Unable to move, breathe, or talk without somehow feeling pained by the burden. I can’t think of anything else except for how easy it would be to just finally end it.
I wish it wasn’t this way, there are plenty of things I would have liked to have done, and to have seen. But I’m not cut out for those things apparently, seventeen years it took me to finally realize that anything and everything […]
drop and give me 20
pull up and give me 30
sit up and give me 40
THIS IS NOT TRANING THIS IS PUNISHMENT
“shut up you in my head your not my sargent”
yes i am im all youv got left
“true that”
your nothing
“well if i wasnt i woudent be talking to you”
true that
“didunt i just say that”
yer but it was witey
“”will you both shut up””
thers too of you up ther
“yer she thinks you shod live and i think you shod diy so your stuk with us”
“”no more like you askt me over and shut the door and lost the key””
why are you a girl
“”dont know its your minde””
true that
“ha now your […]
You continue to hurt me, and take away everything I love. My heart is longing for a way out, but I’m afraid. Afraid of what will happen tomorrow. If I actually do it, who will I hurt? Who will be glad? Who will even care? I wonder if it’s even worth it anymore… But no, I can’t. I must live to see tomorrow.
after a few weeks of leaving, i got my life back on track. i got help, met amazing friends, and discovered a wonderful thing that changed my life. then hurricane sandy. my friend was left in a cramme dapartment. that was fixed though when she moved in with her cousin, my friends boyfriend, and a good friend to me. we were fine. then she got mad. she locked us out of our shared cosplay account, and our personel accounts. she told lies to another one of my friends, who i always spoke of them to her. a week or so later we resolved and were […]
I stare at you, and I cannot ever stop,
To see it’s just a picture, makes my heart drop,
I see all of your beauty, and that’s why I look,
As I know you love me, and my heart, you took,
It’s a reminder of you, one I’m glad to see,
It’s for when you aren’t there, like now, for me,
I want you back, to know you are well,
But I can’t know, and I can’t ever tell…
When I see you, I feel tears behind my eyes,
You make me feel, when the inside dies,
I look upon your smile, and I smile too,
i was prepared…
to give my life for you
to give my body for you
to live my life til the end of my serves life FOR YOU
but you true me out in the cold
i fee like iv no sole
redey to fight
redey to diy
you tort me the reson why
1Â man shod live and MEN shod diy
the path to war and clvel rights but i see now its genside
but i didunt mind i was imformd i was redey to fight for the contry i love to push down the treat jump from a plane with a rifel in to hostile land for i know its right but thers all ways […]
If anyone feels like talking I am listening.
Send me a comment.
I seen too much and I can have your reality.
I have been treated like shit by false people and this makes me really wanting to find real ones.
I have notices that people usually want something from each other. I don’t. Not interested in either sex, money or relationships. Not interested in hurting anyone.
If there is a honest person here my door is always open.
But I have zero tolerance for mean people. Stupidity is okay.
Good day.
My life is completely fucked up right now and the church of scientology is after me.
I have seen things there that makes war in afghanistan look cosy.
Despite this I am content with the way that I live, considering
what i gone trough.
I have zero money,
No metaphysical powers,
I am fucked by the government.
No family or friends.
No work or education.
And there are many who want to see me dead.
I don’t want to them that favor.
Then again… I understand you guys who do want out of this planet.
This government has destroyed so much for us.
We need to look […]
dunno if i want to live or die… i am not sure… but there is one thing i am pretty sure of , i am scared.
nothing i want ever happens and it seems like a preset design, that if i want something i lose it… whether it be love or happiness …
my family is torn apart…. i don’t know if i can salvage anything… my job is depressing…. my salary is never enough… nobody likes me… even when i mean good, people misunderstand me… i think i am stupid and just a burden… but this person i love loves me so much and that too […]
years gone by,
way too fast.
Blur before my eyes,
I need to rest.
I cannot stand,
I cannot breathe.
I need a hand,
someone to help me.
Days pass fast,
too fast to blink.
I can’t take this,
can’t hold on,
it feels like ice,
set out in the sun.
my life
to fast for me.
I need to rest.
preferably.
eternally.
forever.
if you know what I mean.
That, is the type of
deep sleep,
I need…
***************************************************
>>—–
mothers day today i cant even get out of bed because of the brusis and the rend and tore mulsel from the stupid amont of push ups i did to punish my self for not stiking up for my self (thats what the paras do to ya befor thay say thay cant exspt you cos of the ibs and asbergis) the driy blood on the bed and the emptey bottels tells me what i need to know the stupid 16 yer old me got drunk last night and cut himself after being bulled im rele patetic at lest its mothers day and i can do somthing good no cant even do […]
my personality doesnt belong where it is today. (sorry pointlessish rant)
if u were to meet me in person without knowing my past. You would not think at all that im depressed..i always look so full of joy and happy loving life..im the one that looks like i have everything i need. i have a shit load of friends but only 2 i cant talk to about whats really going on.
when im actually left alone from my family my whole world glows. im in the best mood ever i have my music blasting texting friends attempting to make plans to hang out. im always trying to have a good time no matter what.
its my […]
I’m feeling kind of down today no particular reason just feeling down. I went out today and whenever I go out (besides school) I get to see how depressed I really am and that just makes me feel even worse about myself, tonight I’m feeling regretful because I’m still depressed and I remembered something seven  months ago I was called into the social workers office at my school to talk about my depression and I lied to the lady’s face just because I didn’t want anybody to look down on me and I feel really stupid because I could have been better but the thing […]
I come to realize a lot of things. I am what I’ve done to myself. I gonna explain it won’t take that long. I got depressed because I had an drunk father and mother who just watched him destroy his kids but soon after I got depressed he quit but I continued to get worse. I feel like I should of done something to make things better. Things got worse because of what I began to do to myself I started cutting at 12 I pushed all my friends away. I became lonely and hated. All the friends I pushed away thought I hated them […]
I was just thinking.
I came across this site and started reading some of these posts, and realised I’m not the only one who feels alone. ‘Im so scared of doing something stupid.
I’m writing a post on here because this is the only way i can get my thoughts out without the constant judgement. Today my mum woke me up so i could go shopping with her. I got all dressed up, I wanted to feel nice and i did. In the car on the way there i put my headphones in, and just looked at all the cars going past. Wishing i was […]
I quit, and I swear I’m never going to drink again. The next day comes and the pain is too much. Afterwards, I’m ashamed to know that I couldn’t even keep a promise to myself. I try again and again. I always fail. I admit it, I’ll never be able to stop. Today, tomorrow and till the day I die. I shall remain as I am.
No sleep yet and the day is into the afternoon. Hate mingles with despair in my unquiet mind. Anger races through my veins and I find myself hurting yet again. It is all coming to a head perhaps. Days are bleeding into each other. Can I cross it off my list yet? I’ve been trying and fighting for a while now. I have got myself help. I poison myself with medication designed to make me feel like I am a human. There is not much left of Faithless right now. Not much of what she once was. It is a sad predicament indeed.
I have […]
I hate this world we live in. Where the stupid people are praised, and the ones with meaning are ridiculed. We are all diamonds in the rough. They will never see how brightly we shine in the light. Our thoughts have more meaning than anything they can speak and our lives are of much more importance. So why are we the outsiders? Is it because we’re different? Because we see the world differently? Either society is blind, or it needs to open its eyes.