As I’m getting ready for my first therapy session I’m obviously SO NERVOUS! I know I want and need to get better, but new experiences are so hard for me… As I’m thinking this though I’m reading all the texts from friends, family, dance teachers, ext saying how badly they want me to get better & how proud they are already of me for doing this. I’m ready. I’ve gotta go nip this cutting thing in the butt. I need to be happy because I deserve it, everyone deserves to be happy. Wish me luck on this new adventure I’ll call recovery (:
Monthly Archives
March 2013
So… you tried to comit suicide? you also decided to join a site and talk about it.
why? not why to commiting suicide but why to joining a site to talk about it?
is that not detrimental to your health? seriously. think about it for just one second.
secondly. STOP APOLOGIZING! stop apologizing for things OTHER people did to you! STOP the negativity. STOP. JUST STOP.
There are so many other things to do with your life than this. get out of the house off of the internet and improve your life. surround yourself with HAPPY and POSITIVE people. dont blame yourself because of things others did or said […]
You’d think the depression would stop, being 29 weeks pregnant and all.
Waiting and getting ready for that little miracle to arrive.
I wish it was that way for me.
I’m happy to meet my daughter don’t get me wrong.
I just can’t get over the depression her father puts me in.
He has a girlfriend, and has a kid on the way with me in just 11 weeks or less.
Does he give a crap? No.
Does he even try to help me out? No.
Does he even care about his daughter? No.
My home situation have been very tough. As little girl I had every lie through at home. My mom has/had a relationship with an other man. My dad does everything at home cooking, laundry, bringing me and my 2 brothers to bed and school etc. My mom never does that and never gives us love. And my dad doesn’t too, he just does the standard stuff. She denies that she has a relationship with the other man. They are just friends she says. I just saw the man a couple months ago for the first time (never want to again). But people have seen them […]
im a 24 year old college student and I think about killing myself a lot and I don’t want to think about that but i cant help it. I can honestly say with each day that goes by my will to live is less, and I think about killing myself more. I think about it a lot, especially right after I wake up and right before I fall asleep, but now recently these thoughts are becoming increasingly more abundant during the day as well. im constantly depressed life seems to be meaningless, hopeless, and even worst I feel so damn empty. I have zero motivation […]
I wanted to make my username match me. So I made it into my goal. To be gone. I’m really sorry for all that’s happened, all the people I have burdened, all the nights my brother said he stayed up because he was worried about me. And I’m sorry that I trusted humanity. That I thought things could get better. For some people maybe they just can’t and they never will. My brother thinks that he can change my fate. He told me he has a plan to change my fate after I proclaimed that I was destined to commit suicide. I can’t let myself […]
Sometimes I just sit in class and wish so many things. I hate going to school. I wish there was no such thing. I wish I was born when school seemed so much easier. I wish I had a tree that grew money. I wish my hair would stop falling and thinning. I wish I was skinny. I wish I was pretty. I wish I wasn’t dumb. I wish I had nothing to regret. I wish I had all my pets. I wish all the worthless and horrible people would die. I wish I had a walk-in closet filled with clothes. I wish I had […]
You are forced into life. You never asked to be born. If you are then told that you are not allowed to leave, what distinction is there between life and a prison?
Im sorry I can’t be perfect. I’m sorry I’m not happy. I’m sorry I was raped. I’m sorry I won’t eat. I’m sorry I cut. I’m sorry I won’t talk to anyone. I’m sorry I lie. I’m sorry you can’t tell I’m dying inside. I’m sorry I hide behind a smile.
It seems like it’s been that way for awhile now…me, hiding behind fake happiness. Trying to make everyone think I’m happy. But people have seen my cuts. People are starting to talk. They’re finding out, they’re gonna try to help me. I don’t want help.
So I’m really sorry.
I’m sorry I’m lost. I’m […]
Good God life is just so fucking difficult I am so tiered of the same stuff happening in my life I think I am destined to be alone and miserable for the rest of my life. It feels as though that I have to experiecnce soo much bad luck. Nothing good can ever happen to me that’s just the way my life works. I wanna talk to someone. I never know what to say at all I posted something like this before, but I just don’t see why I am always alone. I fucking hate the way I am. Could someone please help me I just […]
No one has any idea how completely suicidal I am. I know everyone out there must think I should get help. But I do not want help. I want to kill myself before anyone realizes I should get help. And now again, I know what you must think, well why would you be posting on a public forum? Well, I have just bottled up everything for so long without being able to tell a soul. All of my true feelings about everything have just been trapped inside me. I have to lie to everyone about everything all the time. It’s horrible. I literally refuse to […]
I’m really tired tonight. Another long day of supply teaching and tutoring. I can’t even find the time to help out around here. Goodnight everyone. Stay safe.
therapy sessions are getting heavy. considering hypnosis to look into possible abuse. i have been using pot to numb myself-trying to escape from myself. thinking gets me in trouble-the more i think the more i believe the abuse happened. it is scary to believe. opening pandora’s box. i don’t know if i am strong enough to handle what comes out of this. i think about suicide a lot. thinking about other means to an end. the gun option would require a little work. but there are other possibilities within easy reach. there is this feeling of impending doom i can’t seem to shake. been having […]
ok so im noticing a fucking pattern.
every time a suicide attempt fails within a few days something good comes out of it.
with that ive been majorly depressed and tried commiting suicide the other night well no duh i failed.
go back to a year ago, i had a crush on my friend who had a girlfriend so i respected that and tried not to make this a big fucking deal…to late for that. my friend is really suicidal and last yr i always had my suicide notes/poems with me taped to my binder for school well he saw it and read it once he […]
Tomorrow I have my first therapy session… to be honest I am nervous, but really excited. I’m determined to go in there knowing what I want to accomplish and making it happen. I really hope the excitement I’m feeling about getting help is something that one day everyone can feel as well.. I want to be happier and healthier. I will make this change.
Hey there my sweet angel
I see you there, all alone,broken.
I know you are hurting inside.
I see why you cry.
Just know that I love you so
And I don’t wanna see you go.
I see you drowning,
Drowing in your tears,
I know your runnin
Tryin to escape your fears.
Andthere’s a fire deep inside of you
so don’t give up yet im begging you.
At the end of this tunnnel there may or may not be light.
But its a gamble that’s worth the risk.
Youdon’t have to cry anymore tonight.
you don’t have to carve your pain into your wrists.
Tonights the night you want to give in.
I know youre drowning in your tears.
But you can’t […]
I don’t know what to do anymore. Everything that could possibly go wrong in my life has to this point. In high school I never had a problem with friends or anything else. I was pretty popular and good at sports. It has done nothing but go down hill since then. I got arrested for a DUI last fall. That was extremely embarrassing and living in a town with 300 people in it only made it worse. I feel like I brought shame to my family. After that I dropped out of school because I kept failing classes. Now I have no money and no […]
The real world isn’t rainbows and sparkles.
It’s not always fun and rarely easy.
Honestly its far from easy or fun.
It’s cruel and brutal,
Cold and heartless,
Unforgiving and dark,
Depressing and awful,
Bitchy and duechey,
Pointless and crazy,
And so are the people in the fucked up world.
Its full of the terrible people,
people that feed off your pain,
they will do anything to make you suffer.
People are vile and cruel.
They will do anything to make you miserable.
Some days they are going to win,
but some day they will lose and you will realize how strong you are.
Well where do I start. I havent been on here for a while, mainly because I dont have a computer or for that matter much of anything in life. I just had a lot on my mind today and had to reach out to someone who could understand. Haha I just decided to quit smoking today too but just like everyother time I try to quit some bullshit is popping up and it drives at my fucking skin. anyways this might be a long story but like i said I havent been on here for a while and actualy I thought I was seeing a […]