Spineless.

I gave up three years of my life.
Three years.
To a abusive relationship.
He saved me from myself in the start.
Made me feel pretty, needed, wanted.
The first person to do so.
I fell head over heels.
Then he made little comments. They dug in my skin, little insecure words becoming engraved.
Then he pushed me, shoved, hit, kicked, cut, choked, raped.
Then his friends began to come around. Then they started the same thing.
I went through this alone.
I walked with bruises on my skin and not one person asked.
I had cuts on my skin, they averted their eyes.
It’s been two years since this, I flinch around people. Flinch, do you know how horrible that makes you feel?
I have nightmares that leave me shaking and sick in the middle of the night.
That boy who did it all? I left.
I actually left.
Then he called, messages, mailed.
Begging, pleading I would just speak to him. He was changed.
I wanted to believe it so badly. That he was better. That I could love him, so eventually I did. I listened to the lies. I laid in his bed that night, Whore.
The next day I left. Thinking he was okay.
He put a gun in his mouth and pulled.
Is this my fault.
I feel like a demon.
I didn’t know.
I should of.
I hate myself now. I don’t want to keep breathing. I dont want to act
okay.