A couple of years ago i was classed as clinically depressed, they thought i was schizophrenic and i have been trying to end my life for about two years now, all attempts have failed for one reason or another.
In the last 12 months i have had to deal with 3 close friends and a close familiar dying, with me not being allowed to attend 2 of the funerals. All of that is on top of me not having slept a full night in over a year as I’m plagued by nightmares every single night.
After the last one i vowed to try and get better, for his sake and for the sake of my family. That worked for a while but since then everyone in my school has taken everything i have done way out of proportion and made up lies. Most people in my school now threaten me on a daily basis and try and turn the few that haven’t already against me.
Ive fought it for too long and i’m just so tired. Every day i’m constantly in pain.
Im 17 and got 13 A*s for GCSE so its not that i see a failure of a future, i just dont see the point of surviving if survival means pain. I have to go through so much pain to survive each day and i dont want to do that anymore. The only time i feel alive is when i play drums.
As i write this i have 2 missed calls from people wanting me dead and another text.
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Im done.
Wish you all the best
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You have a year before you can legally leave and go someplace else. Just stick through it – it’ll be worth it in the end.
You have 13 A* GCSE’s. Not one person in my school has that – you could do so much.
There are so many possibilities for you – you’re intelligent, young and a musician.
As many people before me have said, life has it’s ups and downs, but trust me if you just get through these next few months, your entire perspective on life will change.
Don’t do anything harsh.
I hope you don’t go through with it.
All the best.
Hey Drummer,
I’m really sorry about everything you wrote. It sounds awful. I don’t know what I would do in your situation. Praying for you.
-Drowning
Hey, people suck don’t they? Especially the people at school that think they know you and then talk shit about you. They’re probably all retards that aren’t going to go anywhere in life or they’ll probably feel sorry for talking shit. You’re seventeen and you’re going to graduate before you know it and then if you decide to go to collage or university after, you’re life is ahead of you. You’ll only be with these dumb asses until you graduate, and i know that they’ve hurt you in ways you cant describe but, now knowing how you feel when they do certain things, it probably made you a better person because you wouldn’t do the hurtful things they do to you, right? You wont have to deal with them forever and i’m sorry to hear about your loses. I lost my grandma 6 years ago and although i was only 8 at the time, i loved her to death more than anyone and i wasn’t allowed to attend the funeral despite my age. And if you’re getting missed calls from stupid bitches that want you dead, they’re just being dumb shits that don’t deserve anything. I know you cant fully ignore it but try to and turn your phone off and go play the drums.
Hey, people suck don’t they? Especially the people at school that think they know you and then talk shit about you. They’re probably all retards that aren’t going to go anywhere in life or they’ll probably feel sorry for talking shit. You’re seventeen and you’re going to graduate before you know it and then if you decide to go to collage or university after, you’re life is ahead of you. You’ll only be with these dumb asses until you graduate, and i know that they’ve hurt you in ways you cant describe but, now knowing how you feel when they do certain things, it probably made you a better person because you wouldn’t do the hurtful things they do to you, right? You wont have to deal with them forever and i’m sorry to hear about your loses. I lost my grandma 6 years ago and although i was only 8 at the time, i loved her to death more than anyone and i wasn’t allowed to attend the funeral despite my age. And if you’re getting missed calls from stupid bitches that want you dead, they’re just being dumb shits that don’t deserve anything. I know you cant fully ignore it but try to and turn your phone off and go play the drums.
You sound like an awesome person. Drum breaks and mathsy things can be a really inspiring way of seeing the world. Doesn’t work for me which is why I’m on here, but I’ve seen it work for other people. Sounds like you’ve got nothing to lose at school so… write down any numbers you need then give your phone in at the police station! It will be secretly satisfying to know those fucking idiot bullies are sending deadly abuse to the inside of a drawer in a police station. Ha. Then go play the drums =)
By me writing this its sure that i failed once again, but when i got up this morning and read all of these, thanks, means so much, even if none of you know me.
I cant see things getting better and i cant see any hope but i got another gig on wednesday so its an up.
I guess the only thing that has been letting me carry on the last few months is the idea that next year i may go to the uni of my choice and then maybe there shit will get better :/
And i took the advice of mor mathsy things and have started planning to build my own drums
I may drop off this “ledge” at ant point and am in no way better but thanks to your comments it wasnt yesterday or the day before
Thanks and i hope you all start to feel better too
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