Im done…

Red—Breathe-Into-Me – [MP3JUICES.COM] … After my parents divorced everything came crashing down. I never really realized it until it started attacking me. Im at the age of 15 and im on a train ride to suicide . I’ve thought about the idea of killing myself, its the only sure way I know I can get peace. My mom is just dumb, and Im just I can’t do it. She claims she owns the pentagon and Micheal Jordon , and Nikey and FBI CIA. All that, this one time she called the cops about a pressure in her head! I currently stay with my sister who has an apartment, the only one who has a safe house. Well, my dad does to but he lives in Mexico. My mom house looks like a piece of crap. There is a hole in the kitchen you can see the ground, no lights, no water, no gas, and to top it off that use to be my grandmom’s home. And it use to be in top shape, but then after the divorce we had to move there. We stayed there since 2007 she mistreated her own mother. She was whooping me with a belt cause i didnt get first chair in band. My granny didn’t think it was right, and she was telling my mom to stop. My mom pushed her down and she fell. She didn’t even help her and just looked at her then she left. My grandmom ended up having a minor heart attack. Then she had my jacket on , and I asked her why she had it on. And she grabbed a belt and hit me across the face with. I fell and lost my glasses so I couldn’t see and she got in my face taunting me calling me a hoe and a slut. I was only 12 at the time. My older sister just looked and watch she didn’t even help me. After a year she started wearing my underwear and bras, and to get back at her I would take her clothes and just wear them. That didn’t work. Then she kept doing so I told my dad and he told me tell her to stop, and I got hit with a belt in the again by her. I guess he just couldn’t get the whole picture. He would just laugh and tell me its ok, when it wasn’t! Later on in the year I developed something, I would pick my scabs and make myself bleed, cause what else could I do?! She gets paid child support and I dont get any of it, she spends it on her by buying alcohol and cigarettes , and I was worried of her getting lung cancer. My scab picking got worse and I now have those little dark marks all over my legs and arms. I finally searched it up and I thought that I might have Dermatillomania, and I wanted to go to the doctor. We did but the doctor only asked her question as if he thought I was lying. Nobody took me seriously, she just told the doctor that I just wanted attention. When my sis got an apt I moved with her she let me only cause my dad asked her to to get away from our mother. There was a break in and everything was stolen. So my sister had our mom house sit so no one would break in anymore. She tried to whoop me cause I talked back, so I snatched the belt away And I told her I was sick of this sh*t! I had actually stood up. I was getting bolder and bolder and she was getting more… abusive. She hit me , pushed me down, called me names. And I think she finally won, cause Im a silenced voice now. Anything she does I let her do it. And I have wanted to tell my school conselor, resource officer, police, and my friends. And I really want to but I don’t wanna be put in foster care and be taken away from my family just from her. And I have picked, cut , and pulled my hair. Cried for hours and prayed to God. But I don’t think he listen, I have waited on a miracle long enough. There is the little things that keep me from such a thing like friend and family and how my decision would effect them. But then I remember when I had the courage to tell them that would not listen to me. I think Im a burden, I don’t know. I know some people have it worse them me ,but I can;t keep going on like this Im done. I have tried everything and I just don’t know anymore….. Then when I got bad grades my dad would rant saying how my mom aint doing crap for me. I know that but him sitting in Mexico,with his new wife isnt do much either. And I know he’s trying hard and Im thankful for the small things…but living, or being near her… I quit