I found out that my childhood friend committed suicide a few years ago. She was the daughter of my mother’s college roommate. I used to play with her when I was about five or six. She had been really overweight and depressed. I wish that I could have re-connected with her or something so that maybe I could have done something to help her.
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You had no way of knowing the state she was in.
It’s not your fault.
You could celebrate the memories you do have of her, instead of going insane trying to think of what you could have possibly done.
I’m sorry for your loss and I hope you mourn peacefully.
All the best.