Hi, my name is Shannon and I am “to far out to find my way back” as I like to say. I have excepted the fact that I may never get better but I never expected to get this bad. Depression is like a roller coaster with up and downs that change so fast that outside life becomes a blur. In short I’m so lost in my own world that I may never find my way out. This scares me more than anything else because my world is like a horror film, full of death and destruction. The one thing that scares me the most is that I hate myself so much. I know that what the kids at school say about me is true and that fact is hard to live with because you never know how many flaws you have still someone makes it a point to make sure you know every single one of them. At this moment it seems like all there is is pain in this world. Love doesn’t exist in my world because if you love you open your heart to being broken so I have pushed everyone who cares away to save us both from pain. No one thing or person can save me. I have been suicidal since I was eight and now I am done with listening to what everyone has to say about it because all of the people who try to give me advice have never been through wanting to kill themselves. I am an addict to cutting its like a drug the blood and pain and emotional release is the best high in the world and people don’t seem to understand that. When I wear short l
sleeve shirts and kids see my scars I’m told to go kill myself and stuff like that. I need help and I don’t know what to do please help me. I figured if I could get advice from someone who has been through what I am going through I might just be able to pull myself out of this depression.
Sincerely,
Deathlovesme15
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You seem pretty smart. Your so right, depression is all about ups and downs. I’m 40 now. When I was 14 I tried to kill myself. Also when I was 30. If I could go back to 15 (and I think about it a lot) I would not give a damn what the other kids at school say. They all have issues too. I still feel sad and hopeless a lot but weed helps me get through.
Weed is the best antidepressant there is and I’ve tried them all…Unfortunately, at my ripe old age of 56 I’ve lost all connections and I’m stuck in a redneck state..My wife just won’t move..Other people are on her list ahead of me..Guess I should just leave her and head to Colorado or Washington..Don’t let anyone give you a hard time about the weed…It’s medicine for many human disorders/diseases without the nasty ****** side effects…The fact it’s illegal damn near everywhere on the planet tells me LOUDLY we got assholes ruling this world…But that’s nothing new..Been that way since day 1….Anyway,just wanted to put in a good word for Cannabis…
Don’t smoke weed too often..
“Prolonged daily overuse of (particularly the stronger types which are not ‘balanced’ in terms of having enough secondary cannabinoids, like the anti-psychotic CBD (cannabidiol) in ratio to the THC) cannabis may cause paranoia and may exacerbate depression/ self loathing tendencies.
Regular high doses of THC, and being a ‘pothead’ is detrimental to the mental stability of people, but especially if they are under 21.”
That need to put you down and to make sure you know your “flaws” is an indication of their own insecurities. They most likely have few faults with the way you look or are. They’re probably just projecting their own insecurities. I wouldn’t think too much of it. Fuck them, let them say what they want – it isn’t true. Why do you care about people who supposedly don’t care about you?
What about family? Surely they care about you – talk to them about those pricks at your school who say the hurtful things.