I’m a freshmen in college-Best time of my life, right? Here’s what I have accomplished, failing classes, attempting suicide, countless anxiety attacks, depression and a stay at a mental ward for a week.
Yeah, I tried to kill myself-I took…I don’t even remember how many handfuls of Tylenol. For awhile, the pills took away the pains I felt from either depression or the anxiety. I couldn’t feel anything. I banged my head against the wall-Nothing. I kept taking them, my heart was either beating too fast or too slow, I couldn’t tell which though. I got in the shower with my clothes on and just laid there. I was in and out, drifting and not knowing if I was going to die. I ended up calling people, subliminally saying goodbye and my best friend saw through my BS. He convinced me after about three hours to call my mom.
She never took me to the hospital.
See, my mom was an EMT so she’s the parent we all go to for medical stuff. But my mom is also a crazy bipolar sinister drug addict. We had a fight and I got her in trouble with my dad, she became resentful-just like the old days. Obviously, taking so much pain reliever would make me sick. Here’s what my mom did, she gave me a tranquilizer. I woke up-have asleep-half conscious throwing up and passing out. Now, I’m no doctor, but you would THINK that the one thing you would not do to a person that has overdosed-is give them something to put them to sleep.
They sent me back to school the next day when I told them I was failing a class. I had a horrible headache. I went back home Friday for Easter-that whole weekend I was sick out of my mind. Skin yellowed, blood shot eyes, no sleep, constant headache and pressure in my skull, liver pain and swelling, hearing voices. I was sleepless for five days. And I went to my mom and my dad-telling them I was sick-that something was wrong and they said it was all in my head.
So, when I started feeling better back at school, I went to see a counselor. Guess what? I got stay in a hospital over night then in a mental clinic. I just wanted someone to help me. I’m 18 and I was the youngest person among addicts, alcoholics and the mentally ill. Can you-just for a moment imagine this…
-Never even being in a hospital alone before
-Admitted into a mental institution
-No phone calls
-No visitors
And here’s the best part, it’s not like I wasn’t allowed to have phone calls or visitors-it was that no one came. No one called. I have two parents, siblings, family-and they left me alone. Why? “Tough love”. Because they think I WANTED to be committed. They yelled at me so much that I told my grandparents-and my grandpop yelled at my mom for yelling at me.
It’s been a little over a week since then, I don’t go home. School ends in a few weeks and I know I’m failing. I was prescribed mood stabilizers that kind of help but it’s up and down.
I’m still alone.
16 comments
wow, tough story, but thats why we are here, for you dont have feel too alone, thats giving me a lot of strenght, im actualy struggling with commiting suecide, i took pills, and self-harmed yourself….its really ironic that you had suffered so much when you try to end the suffering….
I’m kinda surprised to read this, because that is pretty much identical (minus the tranqulizer) experience I had this past fall. They let me call out to people, and I asked them to come visit me if they got the chance. Gave them the address and my passcode to get into the ward, but no one I called came. So I do kinda understand what your goin through here. I just thought it might help you to know your not the only one who’s gone through an ordeal like that.
I was only allowed two free phone calls a day, all of them were used calling my dad. Asking him when he was going to come and he kept saying my mom would visit. She never did. They stopped answering the phone.
It doesn’t bother me and It didn’t at the time. But I know that it should hurt me. When I cry-I cry because I know that it should break my heart but I know what it’s like to be on my own.
If anything, I think I can say I handled my time there well for someone that’s never been in that situation before.
To an extent, being numb to that sorta thing can be good, but only to an extent. Props for that though, it really messed with me that no one came to visit me. Still does to this day.
The people there were supportive, the other patients. They felt sorry for me, “You’re just a baby…” and they introduced me to their visitors and all that. But when it was visiting hours, I usually sat alone.
Yeah, everybody in there was a solid 15-20 years older than I was. Not exactly very inclusive in my experience.
There were some cranky people but I didn’t bother them. Even if they were rude. People kept saying I was old enough to be their daughter but they treated me like a peer. I felt safe there, free of judgment because we all knew none of us had the right to judge anyone.
That’s good. The ward I was at had some weird “clique-esque” (if that makes sense) going on. Made things difficult at first but it evened out towards the end of it I guess.
Did you stay for long?
5 nights and 6 days. you?
Only a week. I didn’t want to leave, my parents didn’t want me staying though.
That’s interesting, my parents felt I needed to stay in there longer, but I got out as fast as I could.
Mine refuse to accept that something is wrong with me. Because it would all go back to them.
They’d rather keep their dirty secrets safe than let me get the help I need.
Look I don’t know you as well as I would probably like to (at least be confident in giving advice), but I can tell you that you have to look out yourself in this case. Do what’s best for you, get the help, I think your parents will probably surprise you in how supportive they turn out to be. Like I said, I don’t really know your family or your circumstances so I could be totally off the mark here, but that’s my advice.
Hope that helps 🙂
Well, I kinda just do things on my own now. Going to start making appointments and all that-it was hard doing all of it because of school but now I’ll have to manage. They aren’t the supportive type.
Thanks though ^.^
Happy to see at least my issues might help someone else in some small way.