I feel exhausted, sick, and upset all the time. The easiest way for me to try and vent it out is writing to someone. The person I thought I could rely on told me she doesn’t like getting those kinds of messages and that I should call her instead, which I have been doing but sometimes it just feels so awful that I can’t do it and writing is easier. Calling is very very difficult to me and I always feel worse afterwards because it’s always so difficult for me to say things the right way or not feel embarrassed.
I’m at a point where I feel like everything I want to do and everything that makes me feel better is the wrong thing, and everything everyone wants me to do makes me feel worse inevitably and feels impossible for me to do anyway because it’s so difficult. I want to tell my friend that I don’t know how to respond to her, but even that feels like a catch-22. I want to tell her that maybe I should just stop talking to everyone about how I’m feeling and pretend I’m not getting worse and closer to suicide BECAUSE everything is such a catch-22. But that’s a catch-22 in and of itself.
I don’t know what to do. I’m so upset, but I can’t do anything about it. I want to give up, but I’m letting everyone down if I do that. And if I try to feel better the only way I know how, I’m inconveniencing everyone.
What am I supposed to do?
2 comments
If it helps you to write it then thats what you should do. This is a good forum. Sometimes friends and families are so caught up in their own lives and things that the last thing they want to here is us talking about killing ourselves. But writing helps. Thats why I’m here,
I know how this goes. i used to have a really good friend that i could always write to/text, but eventually being my friend became to much of a burden fir her and she stopped talking to me, not that i blame her.