I’m such a hypocrite.
I talk big about staying positive and happy, yet I can’t find my own reasons for this. I’m literally so stressed out right now that I feel like I should just end my own life to end all this pain and torture.
Anything I ever do isn’t good enough. Whether it’s getting good grades, getting accepted to a good university, or to winning a sports tournament, nothing is good enough for my parents.
I’m a lazy person. That’s just who I am. A 17 year old girl that’s at the end of her senior year, who’s lazy and likes to lay in bed or in the hammock all day playing Pokemon. Coming from a family that actively plays tennis, my parents are constantly nagging at me for laying in bed and not wanting to go exercise or play tennis with them.
Truth is…I hate tennis. I hate it with the biggest passion. I hate how I’ve been forced to play it since I was about 3 or 4. I just hate exercising in general, and I’ve already accepted the fact that I’m fat because of this. Sure I may not be obese, but I’m overweight and I’m perfectly fine with my body. But no, this isn’t good enough for my parents.
My mom has got to be a bigger hypocrite than I am. She’s clearly twice my size and lays in the couch all day when she’s not playing her hour of tennis, but of course my dad (the one who’s always nagging at me to go exercise) doesn’t say anything to her because my mom’s like the “man of the house” and he won’t ever do anything that defies her.
Anyways, I thought I was stress free ever since I got accepted into college. Well, boy was I wrong. I’m probably the most stressed I’ve ever been in my entire life. I have to worry about doing projects for school, orientation for college, and now my sister’s forcing me to do some classes at a community college because it’s easier and cheaper than the university I’m going to (which by the way, she also attends) so now I have to take these classes before I go to university this summer. On top of that, I’m getting yelled at for not doing this myself (even though it wasn’t even my choice) because my dad favors my sister and is mad at me for making her do more work than she needs to. To wrap this all up, I have a school tournament tomorrow so I’m going to be missing two days of class. Normally people should be happy about this, but just missing one day in my classes is enough to get you lost. And let’s not forget…on Saturday, my dad dropped a ladder on my foot on accident so now I can barely walk. If I don’t play tomorrow, my team won’t make it to Regionals, which is just a higher level tournament. I also forgot to mention that thanks to my orientation for university, I’m going to be missing my finals week…meaning I have to take my finals earlier. Oh joy.
So now I’m alone in my room crying because I can’t take this stress anymore. I only slept an hour yesterday and to make sure I’m well rested for tomorrow, I tried going to bed at 8. Now I probably won’t get any sleep tonight. I wish that if I do miraculously go to sleep tonight, that I won’t wake up the next morning.