i tried to kill myself. more than once actually. i was put in the hospital for 3 weeks. and while i was in there i was happy. i was that happy and excited kid i was before depression took over me. but as soon as i got out everything went back to the way it was before. my mom and dad scream and yell at me all the time, they make me feel worthless, and they make me just want to run away and never look back. My brother lives in a different city and i haven’t talked to him in a long time. me and my sister are close i guess. but i don’t tell her how i feel. and honestly i think she wants to die and just be done with this whole family, and it kills me even more to think about loosing her. my cousin suffers with depression and has told me she thinks about ending it all. she’s 10. she absolutely should not be feeling like that. i have told her mom about it, but she is to busy with her other daughter to even pay any attention. if she ever hurt herself i wouldn’t know what to do. i hate depression. i have a pretty messed up life. i’m in grade 9. i’m not getting any credits this year. and i don’t talk to any of my friends i had last year, or even a few months ago. so i’m alone. with this sickness. that i never thought i would have to deal with. it has never been worse than it is right now. i know people have it worse out there, and i shouldn’t even be complaining but the weight of everything is getting to heavy. i want to die. In fact if i died right now i wouldn’t mind. as long as the people around me were happy and safe.
But if i could live, and hate myself and be so depressed and hurt, and broken.. i would, if it would mean that depression would disappear from everyone else. because i would rather me hurt and be broken than anyone else have to feel the way i feel.
I’m a *****.
I’m worthless.
I’m Ugly.
And I’m done with this nightmare i call life.
3 comments
I want to say it’s going to be ok, but i’m in the situation, i wouldn’t mind if i died right now, in fact i would welcome it, but im afraid that it would hurt my parents more than me
I think you should really talk to someone. This is probably the last thing you want to hear, but just hold on. Keep holding on. There is life beyond your parents and beyond school. Will you still feel the same at 20? 30? Just take it one day at a time. Give yourself a chance to make your own life, not your parents. You can do it.
You are right… life does suck sometimes. If you died right now, the people around you would not be happy. My son is/was 15 and took his own life either by accident or purposely. There is not one second when his friends (yes, you have friends whether you know it or not or choose to realize it or not), sisters, nieces, cousins, mom, dad, or other family miss him more than life itself. Please talk to someone. When I tried to talk to my son, there was never anything wrong and nothing going on and everything was just great. Just a few seconds, minutes, hours, days… just a few at a time. If your parents are not who you trust… trust someone. Be there for your brother, your sister, your cousin, your friends. Those friends that you don’t have or choose to not acknowledge. My son always said he didn’t have any friends but there was one friend after another after another… who came to see him lying there and cried for him to be back among us. Your family will be devastated.. trust me, I am there and you would not want them there. Please talk to someone or just talk to me. Just SOMEONE.