can’t open my mouth

Why can’t I open my mouth?  Why can’t I tell you?  I think it’s because you love me.  I think it’s because everyone who I should tell loves me.  And it’s so much better to hold it in—better for them.  They look so happy when they see me smile.  And sometimes it’s genuine, but I still want to die, the whole entire time…Why can’t I tell you?  Because you care enough to stop me.  Because I don’t want you to.  Because it’s over and you can’t see it in my eyes.  There are just too many lies.  I’m good at this now, and there’s no way to stop hiding.  Each time someone loves me…I am open until they think i am well, and then when I’m not…I can’t find it in me to shatter their sphere.  Because…because I love them, too.