i don’t even know why i’m on here. it’s not like people want to know about me anyways, but ohkay. i’m cat and i turn 15 in november. i’ve been suffering with OCD, depression, anxiety and body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). the body dysmorphic disorder is the worst because i got homeschooled because of it. i would sit there and stare at myself for hours and cry when i should be getting ready. i would punch myself in the face or wrists and pull my hair or skin. i started out just being constantly late to school, but now i’m so afraid of people seeing me how i see myself. i got bullied growing up, i’m sure everyone has, but i got stabbed and choked until i passed out by people i thought were my friends. i grew up without a dad because he raped my mom, so i know myself as a rape accident. people get mad when i don’t take compliments, but i try to explain i don’t believe them. i honestly hate myself and see myself as one big flaw. i see every little detail in myself only to hope every person in public doesn’t see any of them. i gave up on trying to impress people because i always got thrown down. now every word they said infected my brain and it’s all true to me. i beat myself up inside and out so other people don’t have to. i actually made a date to shoot myself in the head, and every time i fight with my family i just want to blurt it out. the only one who really understands what i’m going through is my sister. i am actually holding her life with mine. aside that, my cousin puts me down all the time. telling people bad things about me, telling me what i can or can’t do. i’ve given up so much and i just want to feel like… ohkay at least. i don’t expect happiness because i think it’s a lie, but i just want to be better.