The letter.

I thought about making a prioritized list of the names of everyone i felt most significantly perpetuated and contributed to my most crucial hardships.

If i was going to do it, i wanted to at least leave an explanation, so if anyone wants to blame someone, they can know who i felt deserved it.

But other times, i felt it was probably better left unsaid, and often thought (think) about a profound and apropos final comment.

When contemplating which angle to use, i find myself torn between “blaming everyone else,” and taking all responsibility for myself.

Sure, the choice, the act itself, would be my call alone… but i refuse to claim the misery i didn’t choose, which resulted from ripples i could not avoid, from choices others made, against my wishes and best interests, which were beyond my control.

It’s extremely difficult to explain, and even if you get it right, and draw the line in the perfect place, it’s still quite likely that those you leave behind will just never understand exactly what you tried to tell them.

In my personal opinion, what’s best is to tell the truth.

And when you begin attempting to define what exactly that truth is, you’ll start to gain insight into yourself, your life, and may learn useful things… and then, hopefully, you’ll realize that you must still consider yourself worth spending effort to improve, since you’re trying to write the right thing, to those you know will miss you.

Explaining your reasoning for a thing that most people cannot begin to comprehend, is a much more difficult task than it seems.

And i definitely think you should spend time writing, if only to yourself, if only to explore what exactly that reasoning actually is, and what it really means.

There may yet be an answer, inside, that you just haven’t seen.

Think of how you would feel, if it was someone you cared about, and you asked them “why?” and the best answer they could give, is “i can’t explain.”

Then maybe you can find the right words to stay.