I have been a drug addict since I was 15. Â Ive had periods of sobriety the longest being four years however I am once again in active addiction. Â I am a failure in every sense of the word and all I want is to die. Â I have tried several times and just like everything else I try to do in my miserable life I failed. Â I am emotionally and spiritually dead already and have been for most of my life. Â Im 30 years old unemployed and live with my parents. Â Three years ago I owned a home with my beautiful fiance. Â I had all the material things I could have wanted but I was raging inside. Â I had a very fulfilling life yet as always was completely miserable inside. Â I am now and always have been filled with feelings of inadequacy and self-hatred. Â I dont deserve love or affection, I am ugly and pathetic inside. Â I hate everything about me and drugs are my only comfort yet they completely destroy my life. Â Ive tried counseling, medication, 12 step programs, in-patient and out-patient therapy. Â Nothing ever works. Â I have no will or desire to continue living this horrible life. Â I take full responsibility for my situation, I know full well I caused all of this. Â I want it to end I can not take this anymore. Â The pain I feel is unbearable. Â Its suffocating.