Completely hopeless

I have been a drug addict since I was 15.  Ive had periods of sobriety the longest being four years however I am once again in active addiction.  I am a failure in every sense of the word and all I want is to die.  I have tried several times and just like everything else I try to do in my miserable life I failed.  I am emotionally and spiritually dead already and have been for most of my life.  Im 30 years old unemployed and live with my parents.  Three years ago I owned a home with my beautiful fiance.  I had all the material things I could have wanted but I was raging inside.  I had a very fulfilling life yet as always was completely miserable inside.  I am now and always have been filled with feelings of inadequacy and self-hatred.  I dont deserve love or affection, I am ugly and pathetic inside.  I hate everything about me and drugs are my only comfort yet they completely destroy my life.  Ive tried counseling, medication, 12 step programs, in-patient and out-patient therapy.  Nothing ever works.  I have no will or desire to continue living this horrible life.  I take full responsibility for my situation, I know full well I caused all of this.  I want it to end I can not take this anymore.  The pain I feel is unbearable.  Its suffocating.