I just can’t do this anymore. My “life” is nothing but pain after pain. Please give me physical pain. Anything but this burtal self pity/ emotional bull crap i’m feeling right now! I hate this. I hate myself for feeling this!
I have come to a point where i just don’t know what’s left for me anymore. I’ve experienced things, that humans want to. I’ve loved  both mentally and physically and i’ve been brought up in one of the world’s greatest and most beautiful cities but … Why do i still feel like this? There’s only one conclusion and that is; i’m fucking selfish as hell!
As a person i disappoint my parents, my teachers, my friends and family. I can’t handle this. I hate this. I hate myself for letting my situation get to the point where they are disappointed in me!
The people who would notice i would be gone, will be hurt but they should be fine after a while. Both my parents have their own little kids now. My boyfriend well, he’s always deserved someone better then me. My friends, well people come and go all the time anyway. My family – well majority are married into – they barely notice i exist anyway. Me suiciding will be yet another disappointment to them, but me staying around only causes more disappointment.
Can someone please just tell me a way i can quickly get this over and done with? PLease i beg, that someone please just …. tell me the best option. I just can’t handle this anymore!
5 comments
Disappointment comes and goes in life, and it is best to just wait for the bad times to blow over. You just have to be patient. I am also selfish and a disappointment to a lot of people, but this is nothing to be ashamed of. This is YOUR life, and it is not selfish to enjoy it. And other people’s disappointment is just their opinion. When you stop caring so much what other people think, then this problem is over and done with. It can be difficult, but it’s worth it 🙂
dangleheart,
i know how it feels to feel hopeless and like a burden. im there right now. im in a deep pit. i have no hope. but you are a beautiful person. i can tell just by reading your plea for help. i can see into your spirit and i believe you are priceless. there is no shame in feeling the way you are feeling. this isnt selfishness. this is a person in a lot of pain. thats how you feel. nothign wrong with that. im here to talk to if you need it. you can email me if you’d like. think about your boyfriend and your family. they love you and it may feel like you’re a disappointment but our perceptions can be so skewed at times. love you and i pray you take these words to heart.
Unfortunately we’re not allowed to discuss methods on here, but I can tell you that what you are looking for exists and is not hard to find. There is nothing sacred about life, and to desire to escape a sentient existence is completely rational, for ANY reason, and under ANY circumstances, whether or not others agree. I will tell you though, the people around you will be hurt a lot more than you think. To me, the rationalizations you make about how the people around you will not be hurt indicate that you know deep inside your heart that they will be hurt, and you are trying to convince yourself otherwise so you can end your personal, mental anguish. Should you decide to attempt, and again, that is your decision and yours alone, please please make sure that what you are trying to accomplish is not a “cry for help,” because should you survive, your life is going to be a lot worse than it is now. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best.
Thank you guys for taking the time out and replying. It means a lot to me, that there are some people out there, willing to help out. The people around me – the people i’ve slightly let in on my situation – think i have depression. But i just don’t know. This is retarded but i’m ashamed. I do at the end of the day, have a lot to be grateful for. I’m not going to sit here and point my fingers at my parents or say that my life has been shit from day one. I’ve had a lot on my plate. I always have but looking at the bright side as always gotten me through. But now i’ve come to the point where i’ve realised i’m on the constant loop of not only disappointing my loved ones, but myself also. When all i can think about is how easy it would be to just not have to think anymore. How can i break this cycle? Nothing appeals to me anymore! 🙁
Stop caring what other people think. Do what’s right for you. You self-accuse of selfishness, and perhaps in some ways you are… but here you are going on and on about who will “care,” or who will “notice,” or who will be “disappointed.”
You’re disappointed in yourself because you’re trying to live by other people’s expectations, which, are apparently too high for you.
You know what i say about other people’s expectations?
Fuck ‘Em.
Do whatever makes you feel right. If you want something done right, do it yourself. Don’t expect anyone else to do that for you, and don’t expect anyone else to know what that is. They’ve taught you how to expect too much from others and yourself, thereby necessitating unnecessary disappointment for everyone.