I’m 15 and sad. I know these dark thoughts are bad and I should get help but I honestly don’t want to depend on anyone for my weakness. I don’t know whether im depressed or just sad… all I know is that I feel empty and really dark all the time. I don’t remember when this all started and I don’t know when im getting better. I have self-harmed before and I still do. I remember the first time I took a blade to my wrist I was only 12. At an age like that I should have been happy and going out playing in the sun. I self-harmed for the first time because I felt way beyond worthless and stupid. At school that day I was bullied for the way I smelled and the way I looked, I over heard a guy (who was my crush) say that I smelled really bad and how could someone even sit next to me. I cried so much that day I went home and at night in the shower I took my razor and slashed to dashes on my wrist. It was bleeding a whole lot and I just cried some more. I never told my parents because we where experiencing trouble with money and I didn’t want to add to the equation of hardship. Days went on and my days went from dark to really dark from almost seeing the sunshine. I had some taste of happiness but there was never a period of time in which I truly felt happy. My cutting has gotten to a minimum but the suicidal thoughts are still there and they hurt more than ever. Sometimes I really want to tell my mom how I really feel but she already has so much stress and with 3 other siblings telling her about my problems isn’t really what she needs. I seem to feel more worthless each and every passing day. I have accumulated anxiety and I end up crying from the easiest things (and no its not just from my period) I get anxiety from test to getting uo in the morning just to get ready. I don’t know what else life has in for me but I just hope it gets better and I find my happiness. Thanks if you actually read all this.
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As a father of a teenage daughter who has gone through what you have, all I can say is that even though it may seem like this will never change, it will if you learn to process it differently. Sometimes it is so hard because the acceptance we are seeking turns to rejection. You lose your confidence when that happens. I have been there for my daughter to bandage her cuts and lay with her while she fell asleep some times when the nightmares would come. Saying a prayer with her and just being there. She ended up getting into counseling and be medicated but that didn’t really help her. What I have always told her is that boys her age are not worth a darn because they are so immature and looking for one thing. Girls mature faster than boys. Don’t give them any thought for their foolish words because is just shows their immaturity and foolishness to say stupid things like that. At least he showed you his true character in that moment. Don’t give him power over you by letting his hurtful words take you down. Anytime we let someone’s words, actions, anger or looks affect us, we are givng up our power to them and they control us like little puppets on strings. I have always told my daughter to guard her heart and who she gives it to because some people don’t deserve it. They really don’t. We were all created for a purpose and we can find out what it is. It starts with faith.
I’m 15 as well and know what it like to experience bullying I’m not the most liked person in school either. I know that’s not much but I’m here and you can email me
Talk to your mom. Losing you would destroy her. You are loved , being a parent is hard and sometimes we miss things and knowing your hurting. It is difficult. I am a parent if 3 and sometims as a parent a reality check is needed. Talk to her and know youare loved. I lost my bff to suicide and 15 years later I’m still searching for answers, which brought me here. Id give just about anything to bring him back. The what ifs are torture., I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy….its hell. I miss him. I love him. And id giveanything to bring him back